Paradigm
by RenaRoo
Summary: Mike ventures to the farm to visit Leonardo and reflects on the preceding events. He realizes that the true story rests in how they learned to perceive one another. First Place for Best Tragedy/Angst & Sad Ending, Second for Leonardo Scene in 2009 Comps
1. Let me tell you a story

Okay, So I have had the idea for this particular story for about three months now and have been working my way around actually writing for about a week but I've at LAST sat down to do this. Something about a book I read last year in school really touched me with just the layout of the story. I would tell you what the story was but I fear that would almost count as a spoiler so I refrained ;P

This one isn't too bad, only ten chapters but I'm hoping you all will bear with me and come to enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it out. Oh, and I'll tell you the name of the story that inspired this in the last chapters where spoilers won't really matter as much. Hope that's okay!

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter One: Let me tell you a story…

I kinda flinch whenever the bags hit the carpeted lining of the trunk. I'm not really sure why, even I'm not all that jumpy usually, but it's sort of aggravating me by this point. I think it's just the loud noise that gets to me but that just doesn't seem right.

Nothing really seems right.

It's way too cold to be merely fall and I don't care what Don or April say to me these stupid sweats aren't really helping with the chills I'm getting. They're too bunchy and loose and at the same time restricting! This could be the precise reason turtles aren't supposed to wear clothes.

Casey grunts awkwardly and I repress the urge to joke about the workout as he tosses in the last of my bags into the trunk of April's car. He straightens and smacks his hands together in a "job-well-done" fashion and seems rather proud that he managed to get all the crap in the trunk.

Man! Don must have backed enough stuff to keep me at the farm for a month!

This was just further conformation to me that my brothers had had simply too much free time during my recovery period. In retrospect, after they left Leo at the farmhouse, they still had a month or two before I ever woke up enough to be coherent.

My stomach sort of weakens by the mere thought of Leo. I really don't want to see him. Not after what we did the last time we met.

But I have to see him. He's waiting at the farm and I'm going to do my best to try to bring him back home. I don't think he realizes how much we miss him around the Lair. I know he probably doesn't know how much **I** miss him.

Like I said, we did something that is just hard for me to muster under the current circumstances. We got into a fight. A big one.

"That's the last of it! Thanks for the help," Casey teases us but doesn't get much of a rouse. I don't know why he expected one under these conditions but, then again, it was Bonehead Casey we were talking about.

But now I feel bad about Casey, too.

Here he and April are, taking time away from their merry lives to drive simple old me to the farmhouse all because of some fight they were not even part of. And my brothers and I didn't even have the decency to help with the bags. We were just standing here.

"Sorry," I mutter.

I never mutter. I don't know how to describe what's wrong with me. I wasn't like this a few months ago, though the fight had really already begun by that point. I'm supposed to be happy and joyful, I get to see my older brother after all!

I think it's the fact that Don and Raph and standing behind me and practically breathing down by back. It's starting to give me cold chills. Seriously.

Don's acting like if I take five steps out of his sight I'll end up being all aloof and out of the family's care like Leo is. I should probably tell him I'm going to be fine but I can't do it. I don't feel too fine at the moment to be honest and he wouldn't believe me in any case.

"You ready to go, Mike?" April asks me as she stands close by.

I had honestly almost forgotten she was there with us already. She looks about as somber as Raphael and Donatello. I probably should do something to lighten the mood but I don't think anything is appropriate. There's a lot of friction, after all.

"Yeah…" I nod to her and tug at the hood of my sweatshirt again. "I'll be right there."

She hesitates before getting in the front passenger's seat simultaneously with Casey getting in the driver's seat. I stretch some to look like I'm getting ready for the long drive as they watch me in the rearview mirror, but I'm buying time.

I'll take all the borrowed time I can get at this point.

Thinking about everything, though, I should probably be pretty excited. I get to ride in the actual **car** the entire way to Northampton. Usually my brothers and I ride all incognito like to the farm in the back of a hitched up trailer.

Think of the trailer as Coach One Way and the car seats as First-Class Round Trip.

Still, it doesn't feel all that right. I almost wish Raph or Don would offer to go with me but they went with Master Splinter while I was recovering. Leo didn't want to come back with them which could explain that pissy mood of Raph's.

Speaking of which, Casey starts up the car and I figure it's my last chance to turn around and tell my brothers their goodbyes. It's funny that my mind is blocking this from me because as soon as I consider what I'm going to say to them I'm back to thinking about how stupid these sweats are.

So I turn around and I'm facing Raph and Don who are looking a little worse for wear. Don in particular doesn't want me to go and is literally biting his lip to keep from saying something to me. I look at him for a moment but nothing comes from his mouth.

I wish he would just tell me to stay home. I would gladly do it if offered at this point.

I laugh some as if it can relieve this pressure in my chest that's screaming "DO SOMETHING!" It doesn't really help, like that's a surprise, and it might have actually made things work because Mr. Happy himself is staring at me with absolute disgust. I must remind myself to never get on this side of Raphael ever again.

"Man, gotta hate all this clothing stuff," I follow up after swallowing the lump in my throat. They continue to stare at me expectantly and I suddenly imagine myself on stage before a crowd of Dons and Raphs while being in nothing but my skivvies. That would be relieving considering my clothing situation. "Kind of makes me glad I'm a turtle."

Raphael snorts and looks away. I can't believe he's still not talking to me. Like this is all **my** fault.

The voice in my head is screaming for me to just SPIT IT OUT already and I lower my head. This is hard. I feel like I'm breaking the family further than I did in the fight. "I guess I'll see you guys soon…or I'll call you or something. We'll figure it out…" It's still not completely out, though. "Bye…"

I suddenly feel an embrace and I don't even have to look up to know it's Donny. Poor guy. He's had the shaft in this entire situation since my lights went out. He can't take care of me as a patient anymore, though. I'm healed with the exception of a few bruised ribs. So he can't use the Doctor Excuse anymore to keep me from going to Leo.

He thinks I'm not going to be able to talk Leo into coming back either. In fact, I'd dare to say he 'knows' I won't be able to, as if this would devastate me any further than discovering that Raph held me accountable for it all.

Well, I was going to bring Leo back so I wasn't too concerned about that at all.

"I can do it, Donny," I assure him, though I don't think he completely comprehends what I'm talking about.

You see, this plan of me bringing Leo back to the city is actually unspoken. As far as I'm concerned, only you and I know about this officially. Don suspects it and so does Raph which is probably why he's so upset with me. He was so close to Leo for so long and he wasn't able to do it. Why am I special?

I can do it for the same reasons that I got into the fight with Leo.

"I'm sure you can," Don agrees with a sigh. "We went beforehand; I just wish you didn't have to do it alone."

Yeah, he didn't know what I was actually talking about. But he reminds me of another valid point. Why the shell did I ever tell them I wanted to see Leo by myself anyway? I must have been delusional still at that point to not consider that just perhaps; just maybe my older brother was a bit ticked off at me himself.

I hope he's not. I suspect he is.

"Hey," Don snaps me out of my thoughts again as he backs up, releasing me from a hug only to put his hands on my shoulders. He's still reluctant. I wish he'd encourage me to stay home. "Do me a favor and say a word to Leo for me, okay?"

I nod and don't have to ask what the word could be. It's the same word I want to say. So I guess I'll have to say it to him twice. Joy. Why do I get the feeling he'll be more forgiving to Don?

I look over to Raph as Don finally let's go and I kind of wait on him to move. But he's not looked back at me yet since the first time he turned his vision away. He's being a big jerk about this but, at the same time; I don't blame him for it. It's his way of dealing with this.

"Bye, Raph," I speak up in hopes of getting a response from him.

He doesn't so much as huff. He completely tunes me out.

Luckily, I know my brother fairly well and I can tell you with confidence that he's not as mad at me as he likes to put on. If he **really** blames me as much as he acts like does then I seriously doubt he'd follow us up here to make sure we got to the meeting spot safely let alone stick around to make sure the car voyage started smoothly.

I sigh and move on to the car while musing over how pathetic of a parting this was. We try, we really do. Thing is that sometimes things change and you can't really help how they affect you. I like to think that in a little while, especially after I get Leo back home, that we will be able to act like normal all over again. I seriously doubt it, but it would be nice.

Maybe it will, though. I can only hope.

As I slide across the apulstry of the backseat I question myself over when April got the interior of her car worked on just as the car's momentum begins to shift. I haven't been out of the Lair since the fight so all the sudden motion makes my ribs hurt because I was unprepared.

It reminds me to look back, though. It's my last chance to see Don and Raph before I set off to the farm.

Looking back behind me I can see them staring back at me with indescribable emotions of their own. Raph's still stone faced but he's looking after the car as it leaves and I wonder if he regrets not saying goodbye. Don on the other hand looks completely distraught and I know that he's now regretting that he didn't act on my vibes which clearly read "tell me to stay home and bake cookies with you or anything else!"

Casey drives out of the alley and my view of my brothers soon becomes obstructed by a building or two yet I get the sense that they're still standing in front of the manhole just like the way I left them. They're almost losing another brother to the farm it seems.

They'll go home soon, though. Master Splinter didn't leave the lair with us because of how sick he's been lately, not to mention he would not be able to make it through another string of goodbyes from me. The last time just about broke his heart.

What wasn't already broken, of course.

Our father was seriously hurting after Leo left. All after the fight again. Everything's blamed on that fight, you know?

Well, it should be I guess. The fight started most if not all of this heartbreak. And whenever someone blames the fight for something I get dragged into it because, yes, I admit it, I started the fight out of stupidity. I never meant any harm but boy did it come anyway.

But you can't just blame me! You have to blame Leo, too! After all, it was the both of us that was in the fight and no one so far has even attempted to dispute that one. You know why no one's disputed it? Because it's the truth.

I sigh and slide down further into a laying position across the back seat. It's a long trip and somehow I'm already tired. It could be all these knives in my sides, figuratively speaking of course.

One thing that would be nice would be to not think about the fight for the rest of the way to Massachusetts. Just sleep the most wonderful sleep instead and call it a day. That would be nice. In fact, it would be nicer than nice. It'd be very well near perfect.

But Casey's driving. I remember this problem with my plan as soon as he slams on his breaks for yet another stoplight that was yellow until he hit the brakes full force. He's a worse driver than Raph is, and I won't hardly go anywhere with Raph.

So now we've got a few minutes in the midst of a car jam because, as always, one too many cars felt the urge to cross the intersection when they knew there was not enough time and therefore are stuck blocking our way as we get a green light. Oh, how perfect.

Still, I'm rather surprised to have Casey turn almost completely around in his seat to get a face to face look at me. I quirk my eye ridge tiredly in expectation of a traffic joke when he shocks me with his true conversation starter.

"So just how bad of a fight was it?" he asks me almost immediately.

I blink at him and feel those nonexistent knives in my sides starting to churn. Nice and painful.

"Casey!" April snaps before letting loose and pounding his shoulder with her fist, loud enough to where I thought for a moment maybe my ears had popped rather than me actually hearing the power behind her punch. She is ticked.

"What?" Casey asks before finally being able to drive forward.

She just growls like a monster before turning toward me. Her eyes seem almost on the edge of tears she's so angry with Casey. I guess she knows how touchy the subject is, though I'm not for sure. I was out for so long that there's no telling how much Don and Raph caught her up to speed.

"I'm so sorry, Mikey," she apologizes emphatically.

I shrug it off and say it's cool, but my stomach still feels as though it has some sort of pit in it. That question stings to this day! And there's no telling how many times I've gotten that question since I first woke up, though. I wish Leo had just told them everything so they could all leave me alone.

Still, as I look out the window toward the hazy Big Apple, I wonder if maybe this whole 'talking about it' deal is actually more helpful than I'm assuming. I mean, I guess one needs to get this stuff off their chest, especially if it's effecting who they are.

It hurts, but perhaps as I talk about the fight I'll get over it and be able to figure out what I need to say to Leo at the same time. It could work – it could work out real well.

I will have to start back before the fight and back to the **initial **altercation, though. It started all of this nonsense to begin with between Leo and I. The dutiful student and the goofball. That's almost enough said on its own.

Let me tell you a story…

…

A/N: May seem a little OOC right now but that's because we're going backwards as far as the events are concerned. Just thought I'd clarify ;P

Tell me what you think!


	2. Like Applesauce and Corn Syrup

Haha, wow! I don't think I've ever had so many threats after the first chapter of a story before! That was rather impressive, I think. But look! I'm updating the next chapter in less than a week so I guess that the motivation worked. I appreciated every review, and yes, things don't make sense right now but we're pressing forward and it'll start to be revealed. At least…that would be the plan…hmm. Moving on.

Seriously, everyone! Thank you so much for every bit of support! If I did not thank you individually then I apologize and hope that you'll take my thanks indirectly right here ;)

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Two: Like Applesauce and Corn Syrup

There's one thing you have to understand about me before you ever get involved with this story. I am **slightly** immature.

I don't think it is too bad of a thing to be, sometimes it's a great thing to be. But it does not keep me from getting out of trouble. This was quite the opposite of, say, my brother Leonardo who was too mature for his age.

There was always a brotherly love between us but you have to understand that when you put a really strong acid in with a really strong base it's not always a good scenario. Or so Don has told me. Imagine what friction there must be between someone who was high strung and constantly having to reprimand someone who was a loose as a kung pow noodle.

Mind you, this is quite a while before our real fight began. This was more like…an altercation.

Dumb me actually started it.

"Why so serious, Leonardo!?" escaped my mouth without a thought as I playfully pushed on my brother's shell.

We had been walking with Don and Raph back home after patrol and let's just say that Raphael has always had a problem with hearing. We liked to refer to it as Selectively Unresponsive to Leo's Orders. Very serious condition.

Due to this severe case of S.U.L.O. Raph had refused to maintain the formation Leo ordered for us to fight a band of Foot Ninja in. He pulled out, leaving Don's shell open to attack, and incidentally caused the fight to last about thirty minutes longer than was necessary.

Leo was one unhappy turtle at this moment and more or less due to Don's urging had decided to put off his fit until we had reached our home.

Now, I loved all of my brothers, don't get me wrong, and didn't want anyone to get hurt but I don't want them to fight either. And, I admit, I have always, or had always, been closer to Raph than I was Leo and Leo has the tendency to overreact.

As the wise Raphael used to say, our older brother could be a real "Mother Hen" to us.

This was an inevitable instance in which Leo was going to chew Raphael up and spit him out (not that Raph wouldn't give it back to him just as much, believe me) before Splinter came out and discovered Raph in the wrong and punished him 'officially.'

My single purpose in egging Leo on was to break this tension. Well, at least between him and Raph. I was, without a doubt, preparing to suffer from the consequences of my actions and behavior.

And boy would I! But that's later…

As soon as I pushed Leo, he turned on his heels and grabbed my wrist real tight in a simulation of what Master Splinter would do when our hands were literally in the cookie jars as kids and, well, for me the week before. I should have found this rather hilarious because Leo truly was being Mr. Splinter Junior at this point but I wasn't finding it too hysterical. In fact, it was rather frightening.

I had never gotten on Leo's bad side quite like this before.

"Grow **up, **Michelangelo!" he hissed at me. "You have been in your egg way too long and you can't even figure out when it's not the time to be playing games! Raph almost got Don killed out there and you're trying to play leap frog!"

Ouch.

This is to this day one of my least favorite memories. It is certainly my least favorite of Leo.

But he was sorta right when I look back and think about it. I had absolutely no right to be behaving that way, I should have stayed out of things like Donny did. He never got involved until it got bloody between Raph and Leo and in that way Leo and Raph could overcome this themselves and hold no harsh feelings toward him.

Thing was, I was never quite as smart as our lovely Donatello.

"Back off, Fearless!" Raphael roared almost immediately, pushing his way past Don and I to get up in Leo's face. "Who died and gave you the right to talk to Mikey like that? He was just asking what everyone else is thinking!"

Leo snarled and released me, the fight was no more about me than it was about Don, though I had started it. It was always a little feud between Raph and Leo. I kind of think that's what is bothering Raph so much now…

"And what would that be?" he demanded

"Why you're being such an asshole," Raph snapped in reply.

Ouch ouch.

Like most teenagers and, more importantly, brothers, we never were very well acquainted with giving each other compliments or general niceties. What we were well equipped for was swearing, insulting, and stabbing at each other. It was almost like a secret game in which we were privately keeping score.

Raph was winning.

They began to bicker and I felt as though I had been sort of counter productive in my original pursuit, though, what could I have expected? Raph needed an excuse to bail on Leo since he knew he very well deserved scolding for how he handled the fight.

Poor choice, Raphael.

I would estimate that between the drop of a dime and the speed of light was when Master Splinter first realized we were home, though he allowed the fight to start somewhat before intervening. He was growing old and tired of his four teenage sons being incapable of solving their own issues.

It was funny to see the both of them get his walking stick to the back of their legs because, from personal experience, I knew it hurt like shell and burned like hell.

Here was when the interesting part began.

Like the orderly, well trained little ninja that we were, my brothers and I made our way into a line before our father and bowed in hopes of gaining his forgiveness. I say "hope" as a loose term because not a single one of us thought for even an instant that we would earn it.

"Sit!" he ordered and snapped his tail. Oh, yeah. He was ticked.

We did, of course, and Don and I took the end, away from our two lovely, feuding brothers as always. I never expected much but the generalities to affect Don and me. What small part I played in this situation was usually masked by the anger and bad blood between our other brothers.

I was somewhat admittedly cocky in this instance.

"Now," my father begun with a fierce eye turned toward Raph and Leo, "How did this begin, my sons? I hope, for your sakes, that this was not yet another petty dispute between you."

Same as usual. I could have almost slept if it had not been for what happened next.

"I was only keeping Leo from bailing on Mikey anymore!" Raph hissed angrily with a thumb toward me.

You probably could have knocked me over with a tap. I was stunned. I could **not** believe that they were dragging me into this! I couldn't believe that Raphael, big brother Raph who was supposed to have my back at all times, protect me from the scary world of responsibility and maturity, was the one doing it!

Furthermore, may I remind you, in the end this was all actually Raph's fault. I had only gotten involved for his behalf and, in my mind, he was betraying me after I had put my neck out for him! It was just my brother's tendency to speak before thinking, though.

And, let's admit it, it's always easier to have others share the blame with you no matter what your parents try to teach you.

Master Splinter and Leonardo looked nearly as shocked as I did. This was completely out of the norm for how these situations went. It was only supposed to be a Raph and Leo thing – I was supposed to be the innocent yet mischievous younger brother!

"Leonardo?" father questioned.

He opened his mouth for a moment to respond but it rested there, gapping for a minute. He was caught off guard and at the time it was rather humorous. Our Perfect Leader was never caught off guard, especially not in front of our father.

He composed himself, though. "Master…Mikey was goofing off and trying to get on my nerves and…I told him to stop," Leo tried to explain. He was not completely telling the truth, though. He had overreacted, and it was showing on his face that he was having a little too much of a difficult time with answering this.

Splinter's eyes shifted toward my direction and his brow quirked. "Is this true, Michelangelo?" he asked me very seriously.

How do you answer that one with anything but the truth? So, of course, I started to make excuses.

I waved my hands some. "But-but I was just trying to break the tension. Leo was mad at Raph and he was being all Mister Grumpy Shell or something and I, don't know, I kinda teased him a bit! I didn't mean to cause a fight! Leo overreacted and Raph jumped in!"

I knew to stop my complaining when Master twitched his nose, causing his whiskers to roll in the air in a single wave before he looked from Leonardo to me then back again. I knew we were in deep trouble at that point.

Right then I wished for nothing more than to go back in time and stop my stupidity before any of this had ever started!

"Leonardo, Michelangelo," he said slowly, "we shall work on your unity as brothers by blood and by clan." I didn't like the sounds of that already. "From sunrise until sunset neither of you shall be more than fifty feet from the other. You are to observe and learn for each other. Perhaps then you may understand at that point what each of you bring to the other."

Looking at one another, Leo and I had the same, unexplainable shock toward one another and Raphael was just smirking to himself, leaving this one unshaved (be assured, father punished him later) while the two of us were getting one of father's favorite punishments.

We had to walk in each other's shells.

This was not a new method of dear ol' dad's but it was one that was rather irritating, or so Raphael had told me. Raph was the kind of child that got into fights with absolutely everyone at one time or the other. He and I were pretty well meshed and when we got punished this way it wasn't too bad. I recall one time when Don and he got mad – yeah, Don has a temper if you whittle his patience down enough – and it just about killed Don, Raph had that kind of dominating personality.

But Leo and Raph got this one the most. He was always getting paired up with Leo for this but thus far they did not seem to have learned much from their times together. It was actually almost more amusing for them to be forced to stick together and participate in each other's activities.

Raph always would complain to me afterward about how much he hated it and thought Leo was the most boring, sorry excuse of a teenager when it came to hanging out.

As I stared back at Leo after our punishment, I could not help but think of all the complaints Raph had against this activity. I wondered what I could possibly learn from a stick in the mud, and I bet he questioned what he could learn from a goof ball.

As Splinter dismissed us, I could only sit there for a minute. This would be my last night of freedom until who knows when!

I felt Raph grab my shoulder and looked up to his grin. "G'luck, glad I don't have to do it this time," he joked. Leo wasn't that bad, but he could be…difficult. Especially against characters like Raph and I.

Raph was too much like him and I was too different. Two things that shouldn't mix.

Like Applesauce and Corn Syrup. You just don't' put stuff together like that!

* * *

I sigh and shake my head. Somehow I have managed to slide onto my shell and get to where I'm laying across the backseat. It feels good, though, and it relieves some of the pressure on my bruised ribs.

I can't believe I'm still hurting like this. It's…insane.

This whole trip idea is insane. I can't believe I am on my way to see Leo. Remembering how all this started, how even the fight before **the** fight was my fault is sort of like a downer. It reminds me of one possibility: that Leo won't want to see me after all I made him go through.

It makes me shudder to think of this whole trip being for nothing.

Especially in light of how April and Casey were fighting now thanks to me. I look up and see that April is giving Casey an absolute look of death. It's almost hatred, not quite but almost. Poor Casey keeps driving. He's a kept man. He knows better than to fight back.

Still…April's stare… it is unnerving for me.

It reminds me of the way Raph looked at me when I woke up for the first time.

I had been out for so long and never even realized it. By the time I came to I was foggy in my head due to weakness and medicine but I still knew that I was aching from head to toe, especially in my right leg. Still can't believe it was broken.

But that was not what was wrong when I woke up. It was Don tearfully embracing me with Master Splinter close by, looking relieved yet…strangely devastated.

"I thought I had lost you!" Don wept and I felt my heart sink. I could remember the fight, I could see it all before my eyes like it was seconds before. Like it had just happened.

"Michelangelo…" was all my father could express in his weary state. He looked like he had not slept in ages!

I looked around and saw Raph standing far from me. His stare was hard and confused. He did not know what to make of me. Then he saw that I was looking to him and his face hardened some more. He was making a decision of how to accept me again after all this time.

"Wh-where's Leo?" I asked, terrified. I didn't really want to know after that fight. My imagination was bringing absolutely **nightmarish** fantasies into reality.

They hesitated.

"He-he's left hasn't he?" I began to sob and curled into myself, ignoring the pain throughout my body. It hurt but I had to try to curl up. If I tried hard enough maybe I could disappear inside myself and stop this guilt. "B-Because of me."

Don hugged me tighter and told me that I had nothing to do with what happened. I couldn't be sure, though. I looked to Raph for further reassurance.

He was scowling at that point. He looked almost disgusted with me, angry. Yet he was happy I was alive. It was still there behind even his greatest anger.

It hurt me so much but I agreed with it from that moment.

That hateful scowl was full of accusation. It reminded me of my own guilt in the situation. And April is giving it to Casey…

…

A/N: …

Feedback please!


	3. Acts of Ignorance

Alright, I have determined that almost everything has given bunnies for fanfictions. Isn't that pathetic? I can't even watch anything on the television anymore without getting ideas. I don't know what's wrong with me. I should be more concerned with, like, I don't know. Uh life? Yeah. Probably life. But Effar and I have come to an agreement that life is overrated anyway so I'm updating this story again! Yay!

You guys are really too nice! Thank you so much for every review. If I was unable, for whatever reason, to reply to your review directly last chapter I want you to know that it means a whole lot to hear that you guys are enjoying this thus far!

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Three: Acts of Ignorance

So we've been traveling now for a glorious forty minutes in heavy New York traffic and I am exhausted already. I keep imagining that I will never get to Northampton, never see my brother, never say what I need to, never bring him back home, and never get rid of this terrible feeling in my stomach. It's like a mind game. I just want to get there, be done with this all, and get this great relief that Master Splinter keeps describing to me.

I realize now that it was none other than our father who had put this whole, crazy idea in my head to begin with. And I remember that not much more than a week after I had woke up he warned me about the barriers I may have to pass in order to do what "must be done."

"You will want to turn back, Michelangelo," he croaked before coughing into his balled fist. The chill spell he had was losing its grip compared to when we had started the conversation, though. "But you mustn't. For yourself, you must speak with your brother again."

I cried at the very mention of it. I kept thinking of the words we had shared before my lights had gone out. I continued to remember how much we had fought beforehand, fought until my insides were ready to flip upside down within me.

"Leo wouldn't want to speak with me after that," I responded before grasping his two, thin hands in my own. I looked desperately into his eyes. "Sensei, he knows this is **my** fault…all **m-my** fault…"

I began to break down and released him to try to curl back within myself again when I felt him cup his hands beneath my chin. He raised my head to look at his face and I watched as the compassion flooded from his gaze, it was something I had not felt for so long I thought.

"Your peace is gone, my son," he whispered gently, reaching up with his right hand and brushing the tears from my silver streamed cheeks. "You shall be surprised. When you see your brother again, your peace shall once more be found."

I nodded my head and shuddered. I knew he was right. I knew what I had to do, and I hated it. I was and still am too ignorant to realize what my father is meaning. I'm too ignorant to realize what my body needs in order to be complete again.

* * *

I stand corrected. It has now been forty-five minutes since this little trek of ours began and the tension in the front seats is beginning to radiate back here. I'm not really enjoying my view, if you get what I mean.

I didn't mean for yet another fight to be caused by me, though, by this point, I should not be all that surprised with it. Why does this keep happening? Honestly, what is it about me that seems to bring out the greatest of disputes between people?

April glares at Casey with absolute bloody murder, as she has done since his little outburst forty or so minutes ago. Now he's mad, too, though when Casey is mad at April it is different than when, say, Casey is mad at anyone else.

When Casey gets mad at April he refuses to talk or look at her and, if he did, he would start yelling in short, irate sentences which no one but he could decipher. Then he gets mad that his point is getting across and he pulls the car over to get out for some relief.

Today, though, it appears that, for whatever reason, he has shortcutted the shouting part and instead has pulled across four lanes, horns blazing at us, into a gas station that looks useful for little more than pumping gas. This is a bummer considering I'm getting kind of thirsty.

Thinking does that to me apparently.

"What do you think you're doing!?" April snaps as we come to our abrupt stop.

"Getting gas!" Casey growls back before ripping the seatbelt off and quickly opening the door, still neglecting to give his wife a stray glance. I don't like to see them like this, I know it's normal, but it's my fault and…it's normal to **me** anymore.

April's eyes shift to the same sign over the pump I was looking at and she glares back at Casey as soon as the message sinks in. "It's a Pay Before You Pump! Casey! What are you doing? You have to pay first! It's not going to work that way!"

"I'll pay later!" he retorts before slamming the door shut.

I'm feeling more awkward by the minute.

Careful to not twist or turn in any way that may provoke pain, I move myself into a sitting position and look up. It's kinda surprising to see April making a frustrated leap from the front seat to the outside of the car. I worry that she's going to confront Casey again but she moves toward the backdoor and opens it. I just kinda stare at her as she slides into the seat next to me.

She looks like she's on the verge of anger-filled tears.

"Everyone's so hurt and tense," she tells me, like I don't already know this. "Why does he have to always be so…so infuriating? He has absolutely no filter for his mouth, Mike! He just says anything that comes to mind and explodes and makes us look like fools in front of you."

I sigh because I know what she is doing.

Sometimes in relationships, romantic or brother wise, it feels like it's just easier to avoid the problem and go to other people or distractions. When you do that you don't address the issue but it's buying time. It's not enough, though.

It's an act of shear ignorance. I despise it when I think about how I did just this.

But I'm lost in my thoughts, I'm not being much of an "enabler" for April's needs and she shrinks back in her seat. I look to her, my attention gotten.

"Sometimes I just don't remember what I see in Casey, Mikey," April mutters. I give her a sympathetic face but I can't agree with her. Casey is just as much of my friend and a part of my family as she is. I can't take sides. "But I know one thing, he's not going to have me save his hind end anymore! I'm just going to ignore him."

I look away and lay my head back. Closing my eyes, I think of how I once thought that a similar approach would aid me in getting rid of my punishment with Leo. It was one of those Ignorant Acts that, upon some enlightenment, you always come to regret.

You know what I mean, right?

I find myself preaching to April. What a hypocrite I am. "Ignoring the problem's not really going to do much for you, April," I inform her, like she doesn't already know. I do my best to ignore the fact that the manager has now come out of the gas station and is yelling rather loudly at Casey for kicking the Pre-Pay gas pump that Casey is arguing "doesn't work."

She lowers her head and closes her eyes. Tears come from her eyes and I begin to feel guilt ridden again. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

I think she knows what I'm referring to…

* * *

When the first day of mine and Leo's punishment had wound into approximately the seventh hour, I felt like I was going to drive nails into my own eyeballs. I had decided before I had ever woke up that this was a useless lesson Splinter was beating into our heads. Leo and I were both pretty aware that "everyone in the family contributes something" or "all of us can enjoy each other's company" or other gay stuff like that. I had also decided Leo was going to be the most boring partner I could have for the exercise.

Let me tell you, as much as I love my brothers, it did not take Leo long to prove just that to me.

Studious, responsible Leonardo had little interest in entertaining my particular interests that day either so we had silently agreed that, while being punished, we should remain within the required fifty foot perimeter of each other but we shouldn't really have to pester one another.

Mister Leader was rather content at the desk in our lair's den where he had a large map of the island of Manhattan laid out before him. With a thick red Sharpie he was intensely marking all the determined positions of the Foot Clan. Other than training and meditating he did little else that day.

When I asked out of boredom why he was doing that, he told me in a rather annoyed tone that he did that **every** day after we encountered them in our patrols in order to make sure that our enemies were not getting closer to pinpointing our home or growing in territory in general.

"Excuuuuuuuse me for not knowing your every habit!" I had muttered in reply.

"You should pay more attention," he had bit back.

So Leo was still doing that hours into it and was writing in some composition notebook about streets to avoid ambushes at or so on and so forth. I really wasn't paying that much attention. As the unofficial baby brother I had the glorious blessing of not being expected to partake in these fun little events.

And you're asking what I was doing if I wasn't being of any use or taking any interest in Leo's near obsessive compulsive duties?

Our den had been brilliantly designed to where less than fifty feet from the desk was a living area equipped with television, gaming system, and stereo. Not to mention, I had the foresight of packing in the volumes of The Avengers I had yet to read.

Punishment was pretty sweet for me. Not to mention, Raph came in around four in the afternoon and watched the Simpsons with me. He was the genius who turned it up when Leo requested we turned it down enough to where he could hear himself think.

"Really mature," Leo hissed.

"Aw, is Leo not gettin' to take all his special notes?" Raphael grinned sarcastically with a devilish look at our older brother, one Leo had chosen to not ignore. Raph was sweating immensely and I was curious so I dared to ask.

"Master Splinter make you do back flips all over the dojo?" I cheekily questioned. It would have explained why he waited so long to come and taunt Leo and me.

Almost immediately his face dropped and he looked back to the screen in a bad mood. I joined Leo in snickering at Raph's punishment. Mine and Leo's may have been annoying, but back flips was a punishment that was used when we were kids.

It was almost never used for anyone except Raph. It was sort of like Sensei's way of humiliating him for an additional punishment.

We knew to not push it too far, though. Raph, whether he loved you or not, was not one to be in a good mood for joking at…well, any time really. He tolerated me but I think we were all being extra cautious in the light of another argument between him and Leo.

Yeah, that would have helped relieve some of our problems.

After a while, Raph decided that the rerun was not entertaining enough to captivate his interests and so we turned it to a talk show. If it had been Oprah or something I would have complained to no end but most talk shows nowadays are ran more like Maury or Jerry Springer. Those I could watch and enjoy to no end.

Unfortunately, we came in on a serious story.

The host flashed his pearly, fake bicuspids at us and the audience before turning back toward the woman sitting beside him. The bottom of the screen read "Mother Admitted to Beating Own Children." It made me hate her already, especially how she was crying in search of sympathy. "So what explanation do you give for your abusive nature?" he asked her.

She dabbed her eyes as I rolled mine and she sobbed before speaking into the mike. "Sometimes you just…you just love someone so much…you hate them."

"That's disgusting," Leo growled from behind us. Raph rolled his eyes this time. "Turn that trash off, you two. The **Simpsons** was better than this."

Merely because Leo had demanded it, Raph's S.U.L.O. kicked in and he turned the volume up again, causing our brother to release an irritated growl. Raph smirked and looked to me. I couldn't help but laugh, too. It was so predictable it was a shame.

"So," Raph whispered, "you having fun or what?"

I groaned, taking for granted that Leo was nearly fifty feet away. "It's been more irritating than when you and I were kids and we got our shells stuck together with bubblegum! But I don't really think it'll bother me too much. As long as I've got a television, games, and comics the only situation in which we have to **interact** is when I have to go to the bathroom."

He quirked his brow. "What about when Leo goes?"

I laughed. "He doesn't. He barely eats or drinks either."

I stopped laughing as soon as I realized that Raph had a less than amused look on his face at this information. He looked back to Leo and his brow furrowed some. He was almost acting like he understood something that was going on that I wasn't catching onto just yet.

"Hey!" Raph let out and I looked back. I was shocked to see that Leo was bolting out of the room and heading straight for Master Splinter's room. Raph growled when Leo didn't respond. "Dammit."

I suddenly felt incredibly dirty…ungrateful…**mean**…

Leo had heard us.

Raphael headed after Leo and told me to stay where I was, so I did. I was sorta dumbfounded. What was it that I could do to make up for what I had said about my brother? I mean, sure, we had both had to go through a boring day and Leo was being all stand offish and busy but I'm sure I wasn't all that great of company either.

And he heard me, too.

I didn't dispute when Master brought me into his room with the other two and informed us that now Leo and I were to be within twenty feet of one another from the moment we woke up until we passed out into sleep. We were also required to spend equal amounts of times doing each other's regular habits and so on, partaking in each other's activities.

Now I see that I was being ignorant about what Leo did for the family and, in turn, what that did to him.

I couldn't blame him for not even looking at me during the entire meeting with Master Splinter.

…

A/N: …

Feedback would be great!


	4. Understatements

Haha, I know. I should have had this chapter out sooner but my life has been kind of hectic and I've been busy being silly on chat rooms with the fabulously wonderful, undeniably amazing Effar. She is teh great, after all. You all would do well to pay her for her greatness. No, but seriously, sorry – I've gotten caught up for the most part, though. I'm really excited about watching this Zombieland movie, too… It looks hysterical. It'll be even more hysterical if I can convince my friend, Dhwani, to go with me to see it. Her reactions are hilarious.

I can't thank the reviewers enough, you guys! You're really making this a great experience for me as a writer. It's not common to get so many worthwhile reviews and I adore it. Thanks!

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Four: Understatements

I listened to it a few more times. The chime of the rattling chains had held my attention I would say for about fifteen minutes at that point. It had been long enough time that I had exhaustedly rested my shell against the wall and slid down to sit. It was tiring easier at that point because I had only been awake for a week and getting used to the crutches was _hard…_

I hadn't been out and about long enough for Don to realize that I had escaped yet, but I hadn't gotten close enough to the gym before I had to sit for Raph to see me.

Fortunate for me, I think.

The way he had been acting ever since I had woke up and the way he was demolishing the hanging punching bag seemed to tell me that I was in a danger zone. Still, I sat there and watched with a gut wrenching acceptance that of all the people my brother could be imagining in the place of that punching bag, I could very well be one of them.

The thud of his fist echoed off the walls of our strangely quiet home once more and I flinched. It hurt and I had to bite my lip to keep stifling a cry. How did I leave that fight beat up this bad? It hadn't been like I was sitting there getting wailed on.

Raphael stopped and lowered his head and even though his shell was turned to me and he did not turn around… I knew that he was very much aware of my presence at that point. But he wouldn't look at me, though I wished he would.

It was very silent for a moment, I knew what flashbacks he was having. They were the same ones that I had been experiencing as I watched him attack the punching bag… We were thinking of when we had been talking about Leo… and he heard us.

We knew that after the sting of our words had slipped away, Leo did not care all that much. Brothers say stuff, give each other thick skins. To be honest, we had probably said worse about him before and he had gotten over it.

Yet it was so different at that point, after the fight.

**We** were different after the fight…

He stood there for another moment or two and I waited for him to say something to me, anything to me. But he didn't. I kinda already knew that he wouldn't I had not heard him talk to me or even refer to me since I had woke up.

It was as if he was ignoring me… ignoring my existence.

With a low growl that came to an explosive roar, Raph punched the bag, slinging it through the air with the force before shaking in its long swing back and forth. He did not move out of its way but seemed to know that it would not dare come toward him again.

"DONNY!" he yelled before making his way toward the other end of the gym, the exit that would not need him to see me to go through.

"What?" Don could be heard yelling as he walked toward the gym. It was not long after that he saw me and came over with a grocery list of complaints and concerns about me getting out and about hurting myself further, worrying him to death.

I didn't really pay attention. I was too busy staring at the swinging bag… At the fabric taped to its center… At the Foot emblem…

* * *

Where had I been?

Right, we were reassigned our grounding. Eating this Snickers bar has kinda destroyed what little concentration I have so you'll have to forgive me.

We've been on the road for about an hour and fifteen minutes if you're interested in knowing.

The additional rules were simple, though strict, enough. Master Splinter had made it very clear that we had done this wrong to begin with which was why our first day had ended in such complete and utter failure and chaos. In other words, he was saying that me acting like a jerk was both of our faults which didn't seem fair, even to me. But I wasn't going to complain about that, Leo had done that enough.

Leo made it pretty clear that night that he did not think Master Splinter's disciplinary actions were not working their usual magic and that he could only see this tearing him and me further apart rather than unite us as brothers "by blood and clan" as Master Splinter insisted it would.

Splinter told Leo to trust his judgment and not question his clan's leader anymore, which shut Leo up big time.

Our father explained that when he assigned this punishment he had meant for us to be involved with each other's activities, not to merely be in vicinity of each other. He said that that would be completely redundant considering that as brothers we should be that close to each other on a regular basis anyway.

I didn't argue. It wasn't my place nor did I deserve to after the day before. I knew better.

Still, the whole moving the starting of the punishment from "sunrise" to "waking time" meant that I had to COMPLETELY rearrange the order of my day.

Why, you ask?

Leonardo is someone who most certainly could be called an Early Bird. He woke up at, believe it or not, **five** in the morning on a regular day. FIVE, people. Five.

He had no real excuse for it other than he would feel slothful had he not woke up that early. I told him he was nuts and he told me that if it had been his choice we wouldn't be punished like this anyway, which was true.

Still, I wasn't in a good mood when I woke up at five fifteen for "weapons maintanence." For the love of all that is Holy, I didn't even know there **was ** a five fifteen in the morning nor a time outside of actual practice for weapon's maintenance.

Then again, I suppose it makes more sense if you had swords… Cleaning nunchucks, particularly nunchucks that were relatively new and unscarred, was not really something I concerned my day with. In fact, I barely thought about it at all, other than when Master Splinter alerted Don, Raph, and I that it was time to clean our weapons.

"Stop groaning, Michelangelo," Leo muttered as he polished his blade.

"You can't do this at eight o'clock, Leo?" I moaned as I halfheartedly ran a rag through the links of my chains. "Or at least seven? Six?"

He gave me a warning glare before turning his blade over to check its levelness. He was silent for a moment as he balanced the blade in his hands, testing the weight, then he turned toward me and sheathed his blades. "Can't."

"Bull," I snapped grouchily.

"My morning practice run is at six," he said shortly. "And if you don't hurry up then we'll be late and won't be back in time for breakfast."

I stared at him angrily. I did not want to go on any of his hell bent morning runs. Not this far into winter. Leo could be Mr. Perfect and be crazy with training sessions and his obsessive pre-training rituals, but I enjoy relaxation. I liked my sleep.

"Why can't we go after breakfast?" I asked. "We could take Don and Raph with us."

"No," Leo said defiantly before getting up and throwing away the dirtied rags he had used, carefully folding them before he dropped them into the trash bag.

Seriously. Who folds stuff before they throw it away?

With yet another disgruntled moan, I gathered myself enough to rise to my feet and halter my weapons. Leo turned and raised an eye ridge to me expectantly. I glared back at him for a moment before rubbing my face. "What?"

He looked down, I followed his gaze and moaned.

Picking up the rags I had used I wadded them up and shot them into the trash bag… Air ball.

"Goof," he muttered before picking them up for me.

I was too tired to continue this so I merely yawned and waited for him to lead me out the door. I looked forward to breakfast for that marked when I would be allowed to do my activities and not Leo's. I'm sure it was what Leo was dreading.

We headed out and met Master Splinter on the way out. He smiled to see us and bowed somewhat to us both, we replied with a deeper bow and I yawned again. I couldn't stop it. They were becoming compulsive.

"Good morning, my sons," he said. "Have a nice run."

"Domo Arigato, Sensei," Leo said with a nod.

"Save me some pancakes, Master Splinter, please!" I begged only to cause Leo to roll his eyes again and grunt at my supposed disrespect. Father didn't mind, though, he just laughed at me and waved his hand to tell us to go on.

I wasn't even sure why Leo still did these whacked out practices in the mornings at that point. A few Christmases before he had been on this and it ended bad… very bad.

We… we almost lost him to the Foot that day… He had been alone, in the cold, outnumbered, and the Foot had had no problem with beating the shell out of him. It was hard to even look at him after he had been beaten to a pulp like that…

My stomach lurches as I think of what he must look like now, after the fight… But I digress, I'm getting out of order.

When I had to go out with him that morning I had known for some time that he was still going out on these "suicide runs" as Raph called them, but I had never given much thought as to why. I mean, it's crazy to do the same thing over and over again even after it ends so badly for you, right?

But Leo had grown up since then. We were older now and Leo was much more aware of the Foot's working and how they positioned themselves and picked out territories. He knew where to go in order to not be in the red zone for an ambush.

Still, I figured that he did this out of pride, not wanting to let the Foot have the satisfaction of changing his habits for him. If he was going to change himself, he was going to do it himself.

Now I wonder if there isn't something more behind it…

"You're too slow and loud, Mikey," he hissed at me as we crossed the rooftops. He looked back at me with some annoyance. "You have to remind yourself that this is a **morning **run, we don't have all the ambiguity of the night on our side. It's a completely different battlefield when the sun is rising rather than setting—"

"Okay, Leo, seriously! Chill out!" I moaned. "We're fine, I get it. We're in the clear anyway, aren't we? I mean, there's not anyone around." He glared at me. "Stop taking this so seriously! It's practice."

"Stop," he snapped, "you're being way too loud, Michelangelo. You're going to give our cover away."

I growled. He honestly thought I was that clueless. "I paid attention to the last time you warned us about the streets, Leo!" I bit back before leering at him. "We're not close to any of the streets the Foot have been active at. Heck, we're not even in Purple Dragon territory at this point!"

I'd be damned if there wasn't that tingling sensation the moment the words came from my mouth. You know the one I'm talking about, the one that ninja have been using invisibility to surround you until it's too late for you to get out of it? That you're outnumbered by an enemy who is only then making themselves apparent to you?

I love it when I put my foot in my mouth like that.

Leo and I immediately got back to back and withdrew our weapons at the ready. Maybe it had been a good thing that we had cleaned our weapons before going out, got them back in top shape after the battle two nights before. I hadn't expected it to come in handy.

"The Foot," Leo snapped, "has expanded two streets in all directions since that meeting, Mikey." He looked back enough to give me an angry eye. "Or hadn't you been paying attention yesterday when I was marking these areas down?"

I didn't get to respond. The literal reason would be that the ten ninja had lunged at that moment but the secondary reason would be that I couldn't really think of anything to say to that one other than "Oops" after my little hissy fit.

Maybe I should just practice keeping my beak shut…

Fortunately for the two of us, the ninja were not really anything special. In fact, they were rather pathetic. If they weren't complete newbs then they were less than a year old in Clan years and hadn't been too skillfully taught.

Think of them as grunts.

"Mike, you better pull behind me, you're not as practiced," he warned as he took on two of the swordsmen.

I was touched, and offended. He was referring to how I had practiced for twenty minutes yesterday and he had practiced for something to the tune of an hour and a half after practice practice. I would have been more concerned with training if I hadn't had about ten levels to go on Soulcalibur. A turtle has to have priorites after all.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked with a laugh. "Well, while I was playing Soulcalibur, I saw some pretty kickass moves from Maxi that I thought would be just perfect for a situation like this one!" I responded cheekily as I flipped one knife wielding ninja over my shell.

"From that videogame—MIKE!" he looked behind himself to tell me to stop before I goofed up, messed up, and got myself hurt like I hadn't heard it before.

But that was when I performed the flip just as Maxi had done when I battled Lizardman yesterday in the Labyrinth level. Oh, it was flippin' sweet if you ask me. And it freaked out the two ninja I performed it on, too.

It wasn't long after that that Leo took out what ninja were left and we stood there for a moment, taking in the damage and the fact that the sun was piercing the clouds like a spear, getting in our eyes which, if you don't know, ninja don't like too much.

We're like really cool vampires. Without the blood.

"I don't understand you, Mike," Leo sighed.

I looked at him, my cocky grin refusing to leave my face. I felt pretty full of myself, I must admit. I had been pretty amazing in that squirmish and it was just funny to see that I took out more guys than Mr. Practice Made Perfect.

Leo was completely serious, though. He looked at me really sobered up or something, making me quirk a brow.

"I really don't, Mike," he said again before shaking his head. "I'm sorry."

I blinked and let him explain what Paradigms were.

…

A/N: …

Feedback is greatly appreciated!


	5. Shattering

Well, fall break was next to useless. I got absolutely nothing accomplished which I had originally set out to do and I also seem to unrecovered from my cold. I hate being sick. It's worse than being injured. At least when I was injured I could get my sister to go to the kitchen and get stuff for me. When I'm sick I get my thoughts drowned out by cough syrup and I end up reading a bunch of books that later I won't even remember the name of because I'm so out of it. It's forizzle.

But I'm good now and I apologize to all of you anticipating this upcoming chapter because it took so long for me to finish it up. My sincerest apologies, especially to everyone who has reviewed and been so great at both supporting and critiquing. Appreciate it!

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Five: Shattering

I remember being very unhappy for a long time after the incident with Raph in the gym.

It was strange because he had not said anything or even **done** anything in particular that was directed toward me, but he was filled with so much anger… He did not have to say or do anything to let me know that he was mad at me in particular.

Thinking back on the moment, reflecting on really the past weeks of my recovery, begins to make me think that maybe I should take the initiative to call one of my brothers. I mean, Raph's being a jerk and probably wouldn't pick up or talk to me if he did, but Don is probably pacing in the lair by now.

He's become my mother hen in Leo's absence.

I like to joke with him that the only reason he's acting like he cares so much is because he'd hate to see all that work he put into bandaging me and keeping me alive throughout my unconsciousness go to waste. Sometimes I think it's the truth. Don always says he just couldn't stand to lose me; the family can't be shattered any further.

We need to be united again. We need to have Leo back.

The car begins to slightly jerk and I'm pulled back into reality, back into the current fight. Joy.

This time, though, it's not April being the hissy fit one to my great surprise. It's actually Casey – I guess April has rubbed off more on him than either of them would ever dare to admit. Their tension in the car is thicker than the smell of the French fry grease.

"I need to use the bathroom, Casey!" April snaps back at Casey's last sarcastic remark.

"Nowhere to go, unless you want to squat on the roadside," he says back crudely.

"Arnold Casey Jones," April growls – Casey is in particular trouble, hence the full name – before pointing drastically over the shoulder of her seat, not realizing how close her pointer is to my beak, "You know full well that there was a sign back there for an upcoming rest stop!"

"You shoulda gone at the gas station while we were there!" Casey growls.

With an exasperated yell, April grabs the sides of her hair and shakes her head. "I didn't have to go then! Pull over at the rest stop or I'll go all over myself, Casey, I swear!"

You know, placed outside of the argument as I am, I have to admit that their fight is kinda cute. Reminds me of something you'd see from the television sitcoms, like 'Everybody Loves Raymond' or something. Like it's not real. Like I already know that everything will end okay.

It's not really surprising me that the car is making yet another jerk only this time into the small side road leading to the rest stop. The car slams to a stop in a parking spot near the small rest building where the bathrooms were housed.

"Thank you!" April snaps, insincerely.

Casey turns and gives her a look, no, a scowl. "It's because I have to go," he growls before his peripheral catch sight of me. April follows his change of gaze. "Oh… Hey, Mike, you're awake?" he asks uneasily.

Leaning back in my seat some, I shift around stiffly. I wasn't sleeping, I was thinking, but I guess it looks that way when I'm all curled up in the back seat and covered up in stupid, smelly, human sweats. Oh, well. Who am I to correct them?

"A bit," I humor them.

"Well, we're going to use the bathrooms," April says sweetly, covering up any emotions between she and Casey at the moment. It would be convincing if I hadn't been awake this entire time. "You need to go?"

The prospect isn't really inviting. I hate public restrooms, not that I've had the pleasure of using them often, and I don't really have to go to the bathroom. But what would attract more attention? A guy sitting alone in the back of a car that had swerved into the parking lot like it was…or because it **was** driven by a somewhat upset loon, or two guys heading to the men's restroom together?

"I'd like a chance to get out," I tell them.

I get out with them and file behind Casey, ignoring the stiffness and irritation coming off of him. I know for a fact that it has nothing to do with me, though my inconveniences may have inspired the disputing. I just head over to the urinals with him and get to business.

"She's such an overreactin' lil'…" Casey grumbles, to himself mostly. I'm really good at eavesdropping, though – he should know that. Ninja. Comes with the territory.

I chuckle to myself. "Better shift that paradigm you have, Casey. May lead to a very unhappy married life," I tell him truthfully. I look over afterward to be met by his perplexed expression.

"Huh?"

"Paradigm," I repeat before looking down, sniffing somewhat. Damn coldness is causing me to get a, well, cold. "It's something I heard about a while ago…"

I can still picture that morning, the Foot defeated, our great victory, Leo standing there beside me. He's sweaty, determined not to show his tiredness though, and looking at me. He's confused by my natural athleticism and I'm perplexed by his apology for it. I can remember him saying I had broken the paradigm he held of me… I can remember his exact words.

I look to Casey again and explain. "Well, a paradigm is like the image or model we've made of someone. Sorta like a set way we expect someone to be. Usually we want to always believe that the paradigms we have will never shift or move, but we have to evolve our perceptions of people as they change. Sometimes we'll find out that our paradigms were never all that correct to begin with."

He looks at me, still confused but doesn't seem too especially touched by the information. He does seem calmer, though. "Who told you that?"

I sigh and move over to the sink. "Leo told me."

When Casey doesn't say anything, I look to him to find out why. He's just staring down to his feet until he moves over to one of the other sinks. He doesn't ask anymore about of it and I don't give any more information than that.

I figure April must have threatened his life if he brought up Leo or the fight around me again.

It doesn't seem very fair. Thinking about the events leading up to the fight have made it easier for me to think about the fight itself. I think I might even want to talk about it by this point, but that ship is sailed. Casey and April won't want any part of it.

I guess they think I should be all emo or something at this point.

I don't think I'm the emo type, though…

Guess that's a personal paradigm worth investigating, but it wouldn't be nearly as interesting as when I found myself staring at the model of our perfect leader and having it shatter in my hands, not destroyed but transformed, made anew.

* * *

The shifts of time between mine and Leo's everyday activities did not get too exciting for the rest of that day that we had fought with the Foot. It was rather anticlimactic, really, but sometimes the days of a Ninja Mutant Turtle go just that way. Even we have our normalities.

The day after wasn't too much of a bright spot on my memories either to be completely honest. It proceeded in the same series as the previous day with the exception of the morning run excitement, Leo had decided to reroute his morning trail if he was going to have bumbling, grouchy me around in the mornings.

By the end of the day talk of Paradigms and Foot ninja were the furthest thing from my mind with the prospect of 'Futurama' within my grasp. If there was one time I looked forward to eight o'clock, it was that day when it precisely landed upon my interval of "activity time."

Strangely enough, it wasn't until I had leaped over the back of the couch and landed on my rear for the ultimate viewing pleasure that I realized Leo wasn't anywhere in the vicinity. Now, mind you, ordinarily I would leap for joy at the opportunity to get Mr. Perfect in trouble, but today I was a little tired of his company.

If you have siblings, I'm sure you know what I mean.

"Alright, Bender," I spoke to my television companion as I grabbed the remote from the coffee table and laid back. "Let's get our Futurama on—"

I barely had time to turn the television on when a heavy overcoat covered me. I screamed at the surprise of it and wrestled my way out of the net only to find that the culprit who threw the coat on me was none other than the previously missing leader.

"Hey!" I whined.

"Come on, Mike," Leo said as he placed on his own fedora. He was already decorated with his own overcoat.

"Come on?" I questioned rather irritably.

"Yeah, we're leaving," he said with a strangely content smirk on his face. Was he possibly **enjoying** ruining my evening time? Or did my dear, seemingly calm brother plan something devious with me? I was annoyed either way.

"No, Leo! It's my turn to pick what we're doing and I think we should stay home and rot our brains while softening our butts on the couch," I complained. It did not dampen his look one bit and I knew I wasn't going to win, that's just the way Leo is. "What are we doing?"

"Espionage," he says simply as I put on my costume. "You'll enjoy it."

"Enjoy it my **foot,**" I muttered as I look up. "What for?"

"You'll see," he said simply before heading out. "Hurry up, we'll be late."

I quirked a brow. Late for espionage? The hell?

I followed him and, against better judgment, did not pelt him questions about where or why or how. I knew that Leo would have never told me because that was just Leo's style. He's Mister Mystery. I just knew that it had to be something important despite that psychotic smirk of his; it was not going to be fun.

When we began to ascend a ladder and through a manhole, we came to the familiar spot I had marked quite a few years ago. I recognized immediately because I used it all the time, it was the back alley to Cinema 45. It was a retired Broadway House turned movie theatre.

What was so special about this one dinky theatre among the hundreds in the city, you ask?

Well, the Cinema 45 was given life for the simple purpose of playing cinema classics. At this Cinema you could legally see a classic film, like Turner Classic Movies legit, and every few nights there was the Cinema Special, where you would see a theme of movies like The Star Wars Trilogy or The Best of Don Knotts.

I hadn't been keeping up with the news of the Cinema lately, though. Too busy, you know?

Question was, what was Leo's interests with the theatre? The theories I was creating were mind boggling.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I exclaimed before motioning for us to both stop. Leo gave me the expectant, unamused look and put his hands in his pockets. "The Foot are after Cinema 45?" He looked at me dully. "The Purple Dragons? The mafia? Who's putting the Cinema in danger!?"

No one was going to be bothering my favorite theatre!

"No one," he shook his head.

I stared at him, confused. "…what are we sneaking in for then?" I dared to ask.

Leo smirked and pulled out two thick slips of paper from his pocket. Tickets. He waved them teasingly as my jaw dropped down to my chest. I couldn't believe it! …And I didn't know what I believed less: the fact that the impossible to get Friday Night Cinema 45 tickets were being waved before my face or the fact that my non-joking, wet rag brother was the one waving them.

I shakily reached for one and he let me grab my ticket and hold it preciously in the palms of my hands.

"It's 'Young Frankenstein,'" Leo explained as he folded his arms as I read over the words for my own viewing pleasure and reassurance. "My favorite Mel Brooks. Figured it was the one for this theme that was worth seeing."

I looked at him. "Who are you and what have you done with my older brother?"

He laughed and shook his head. "No training tonight, Mike, I promise. And it **is** me, I'm just trying to break some paradigms," he enlightened me. He raised a brow toward me. "You remember what I told you they were, right?"

"Yes," I rolled my eyes. "I just don't believe you've see something as unproductive as 'Young Frankenstein.'" I grinned teasingly. "You'll be bored to tears, Leo. Bored. To. Tears."

He looked slightly offended. "I've watched 'Young Frankenstein' before, Mikey. Just because I'm not next to your lazy butt everyday on the couch doesn't mean I don't watch movies for pleasure," he said with a waving finger. It was like a lecture, therefore I largely ignored it.

"Fine, fine," I said, mostly just to get him off my shell. "Let's go see it, Dr. Frankenstein."

A knowing grin came across his face as we neared the ticket booth, early enough to not worry too much about crowds, late enough to let the ticket booth women feel satisfied without getting a good look at us. We entered the doors and Leo leaned over beside me.

"To you," he whispered, "It's Doctor **Frawnk-in-shtein**."

I nearly tripped in surprise of the quote. I whirled around and stared at him only to see his amused laugh as he guided us toward the popcorn stand. He knew what he was talking about… Or so it seemed. I theorized that maybe he had only seen that one scene.

Leo was just not the comedy type. He just wasn't.

Slyly, I came near him in the line, cloaked in my own trench coat. "Werewolf," I whispered.

"Werewolf?" Leo continued the dialogue.

"There," I grinned wildly. He had seen it.

"What?" Leo quipped.

"There wolf," I chimed in.

We both chuckled before looking to each other and finishing the quote. "There castle."

Laughing, Leo shook his head before looking to me with a bit of a sarcastic grin on his face. "You didn't think I actually had watched it?" He asked. "What'd you think? That I was lying to you?" he continued before paying for some popcorn.

"No," I laughed. "I always pegged you as more of a 'Seven Samurai' kinda guy, Leo."

He snorted and we headed toward the theatre. "I like our rich cultural heritage, Mike," he said in that oh, so familiar matter-of-fact voice of his. I listened this time, though. "However, it's not the only thing that defines me, you know."

I looked at him and smiled as we settled into our seats. I believed him. Doesn't that just sound weak? It wasn't.

The movie rolled and we snorted and quoted and laughed and the little figure I held of my brother like a carefully crafted glass figurine was shattering, splintering, and a newer, more whole image was emerging through the old. A metamorphosis.

I can remember the lights of the screen flickering for the black and white film. Gene Wilder came on the silver screen, and the symphony of music came across as a gentle hum, like one of Master Splinter's ancient chants as he lit his meditation candles.

* * *

Not long after I had escaped from Don's infirmary too many times for him to keep track, he decided to allow me small excursions of energy so long as either he or Master Splinter were around to keep an eye on me and monitor me. Raph was part of the deal but I didn't consider him, really. He had little interest in me at that point, at least by what I could tell.

One time in particular I will always remember because I got to sit on one of the tatami mats in Master Splinter's private quarters. He wanted my company and I wanted out of Don's hair, figuratively speaking of course.

It wasn't long, though, that my company did not seem to be enough.

Father's meditation area was encircled with candles, most of which had been burnt to the wick, while I was in there. The entire room was thick with incense, no doubt from the same box that my brothers and I would sneak into as kids and burn for the cool colors and smoke until Master would whip our rears.

Now they burnt in solemn concentration, though. I think in his slight fever and the tiniest hint of sake on his breath, my father forgot me.

Master is not a drunk by any means, but there are some traditions and some situations which call for sake's consumption.

Leo's abandonment was one of those situations.

Master Splinter gracefully took a long match and proceeded in lighting each individual candle. His eyes were lightly closed and his ears perked. He seemed completely alert yet completely outside of himself at the same exact time. It was unlike anything I had seen before.

Then he hummed an old, Japanese chant. His accent was thick, thicker than usual. I couldn't follow but bits and pieces of it and it was making my head hurt.

"Yoshi-sensei…" I heard him whisper as his knees reached the meditation mat. His head tilted back, looking toward the glittering candles surrounding him, taking in the smell of the incense and the beauty of the swirling smokes. I felt like I was not supposed to be there. This was sensei's private time.

"Yoshi-sensei," father repeated before continuing to speak to the fallen spirit of his master in their native tongue. I could follow him, however. I could soak in every word as if it was still in English.

"Guide my son's spirit," he whispered. "It is lost and broken. We need him with us now. We need him to be whole once more. We need him to unite our battered family. Aid us, my master."

I stared.

Even then I wondered if he was talking about me or Leo…

…

A/N: …

Feedback appreciated!


	6. The Glass Box

Gah, I hate watching other people play sports yet I have friends in every single sport at our school. It feels wrong if I don't go watch them at their games but I really don't enjoy it. Why, you ask? They never come see me play volleyball or tennis. So _what _if our volleyball team sucks and tennis isn't a spectator sport? Bah. Complaining more will help all of this out, too. Always does.

Reviews have been really great, guys! Thank you very much for them, I really appreciated hearing feedback on the last chapter!

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Six: The Glass Box

I had been extremely excited when Leo and I returned home from Cinema 45 that night. I had seen one of my favorite movies, ate some popcorn, and snorted and laughed at lewd jokes with my brother for the night. The problem came later on.

I was lying in my bed for a while, trying to go to sleep, but not able to. I was confused.

One of the greatest parts of our family was how we were all so very close. For the first major part of our lives the only ones we had were our brothers and master. We did not even have an enemy because we had yet revealed ourselves to the surface world and the Foot. In that time we all developed bonds that were very strong, very stable.

It is scary to break the paradigms Leo had told me about. It meant that I could be wrong.

Raph was always the one who was infamous for not wanting to be wrong, as was Leo, but Don and I are usually a lot more temperamental on the subject. But even we have limits. Can you even imagine knowing someone your whole life, forming an image of them, and then having it be wrong for all these years?

I couldn't either.

But that was not the only part of the issues that were bothering me. So what if I was wrong about how I saw my brothers? I knew it wouldn't be all that devastating of a discovery. Shell, that just meant we were much more epic than I had even first imagined. That was a good thing.

That as it may be, something was still eating at me all through the night and even some that morning. It was almost as if I was missing a huge, bigger picture that seemed so obvious. I knew it had to be important because me, happy-go-lucky Michelangelo with not a care in the world, was clearly bothered by it.

I couldn't figure out what I was missing, though. The feeling continued to wake me up through the night and eventually I resorted to staring at my alarm clock.

When the clock reached five in the morning I sighed and pulled myself to the edge of my bed. I still felt like collapsing into the sack but I wasn't tired at the same time. It was strange. I don't think I had ever felt burden like this before. I had never had to feel like I was missing something.

I usually didn't pay that much attention to be honest.

With a grunt, though, I pushed myself out of the bed and headed on out toward the lair and, as had become the norm, the dojo to polish weapons with Leo. I expected, as per usual, that my light-sleeping older brother would be expectantly waiting on me with the sound of his metal swords running swiftly against the sharpening block making most of our conversing.

It shocked me when I did not find him there.

Confused, I looked around the dojo. Leo's swords were still on the wall so he had not left without me. I wondered if maybe he had finished his weapons cleaning early and decided to go to the kitchen to wait on me, but I remembered the swords once again and a half step toward the trash can was enough for me to lean over and see that it was empty.

Was it possible that our leader had overslept?

"Nah," I voiced after the preposterous idea. "Leo wouldn't oversleep if he had been drugged."

Leo was definitely an insomniac if nothing else and even if my paradigm of him had been off, however small or large the difference between my image of him and reality was, there were some facts that were simply **impossible**to get wrong. His sleeping habits were one of them.

Obviously the error in this situation had to rest with me.

Maybe I had woke up too early, maybe I had set my clock wrong. The time had to be different for Leo to break his morning ritual.

To confirm this explanation, I made my way back to the hallway and looked to the clock Donny had fixed above the kitchen entrance. Sensei had requested he put up the clock so that no one in the lair could complain about not knowing the time or use the inability to find a clock as an excuse for being late for any engagement.

Our father stressed punctuality and out of all of us Leo had absorbed the lessons the most.

This is why I was so confused when I stared at the clock only to find that the supposed error did not rest with me at all. It was then five twenty, twenty minutes past when Leo would have started his preparations in the dojo.

I felt my gut sink. There had to be something _very _wrong. We're talking Black Plague to Ebola wrong for Leo to not be on schedule. I can still remember him insisting Master Splinter let him practice on sprained ankles or when he had the flu as a kid.

The only time in my memory that I could find when Leo was not on schedule for **anything** was when he had suffered from the attack by the Foot. That, of course, was beyond understandable. It was also the most extreme of extremes.

My imagination began to run rampant again and without hesitation I sprinted toward Leo's room.

I'm slightly ashamed to say my greatest fear was that my brother was dead, the greatest excuse for why he would not be performing his duties to the Clan.

When I rushed toward his door, however, I nearly ran him over and he looked almost as surprised as I did when it happened. But he smirked and held up his hands, catching my shoulders and keeping me from colliding into his plastron. He was perfectly fine, though unexplainably amused with my behavior.

"Whoa there, Mikey," he chuckled. "Don't run me over."

I was positively stunned. Here he was. He was one hundred percent himself, and wide-awake I may add!

This was not enough conformation to keep my heart from racing, however. I was certain that something horribly wrong had occurred in order to cause my brother's unexplainable behavior! We had dealt with the likes of aliens and clones before and I was willing to suggest 'imposter' for a more reasonable explanation.

"Are you sick or something?" I asked critically. "It was cold last night, we shoulda probably worn scarves or something while we were out—"

He cocked an eye ridge at me and laughed. "No," he interrupted me, "I'm not sick. I'm actually quite fine."

This was not good enough. "Are you dead? Like a ghost or something haunting me?" I continued.

He laughed. "No, Mike." He folded his arms and sort of tipped his head to the side, giving me an awkward grin. "Why are you asking?"

"Because," I continued, "It's like five thirty by now and you're just now coming out of your room."

"Hmm, I see," he nodded in acknowledgement before looking at me seriously. "I know what time it is, but I thought you could use a break from the morning sessions. I was just about to go turn your alarm off so it wouldn't wake you. I see I'm a little late on the uptake, though." He smiled softly. "My apologies that you woke up so early for it."

I snorted. Typical Leo, looking over me like I was his hatchling. "You should be sorry," I said in mock anger. I didn't explain to him why it was funny, though. I didn't want him to know I had been up all night worrying about something I could not explain nor describe. "Got more words of wisdom for me or do I get to go back and finish my beauty sleep?"

He laughed. "You need it."

Walked into that one. Yup. Leo had been hanging out with me too much, the sarcasm was dripping from his mouth by now.

"But no, I'm afraid I don't have any more wisdom to share with you, Mike," he expressed. "I just need to think some more about paradigms."

I felt my stomach uneasily churned and I suddenly knew for a fact that it was this very subject that had been namelessly pestering me. I forced a short laugh, though. I had to keep the status quo. "You're practically already an expert," I reasoned. "What more do you need to know?"

"Hmm," he hummed to himself again before lowering his arms to his sides. He looked at me again. "How to form the best one of a person, I guess," he concluded simply. "Remember I told you that they were the images we hold of ourselves and of others?"

I nodded. "Vaguely," I lied. I could remember every word.

He quirked an eye ridge, he knew I was lying, but he continued. "Well, I'm thinking maybe that the definition says _'ourselves'_ first for a reason."

I frowned and cocked my head this time. "How so?" I asked half heartedly. I had to make sure he did not know I was hanging off of his every word. He would guess at that point that something was the matter with me. Things could go down quickly from there if that was true.

"I'm thinking that maybe the paradigms we have of ourselves," he explained, "are like little glass boxes around us. If our view of ourselves is not clear or if it's too restricting or even the wrong shape all together, it would be really hard to see others for who they are, wouldn't it?"

Yes. Yes it would, I thought.

But I couldn't say it. I don't know why I couldn't admit my interest, I had to think hard for some other response.

"You reading 'Chicken Soup for the Teenage Turtle Soul' or something in there, Leo?" I laughed.

He smiled some, though I could see his disappointment in my apparent disinterest. I think maybe he had wanted me to talk to him more about the subject or something. Even then, though, as I realized that, I couldn't not come clean.

"I wish," he admitted. "But I am reading something Donny found on the internet. It's a book on paradigms. It's really interesting. You could read it sometime if you want."

I didn't bite on to the bait, though. It's just one of those moments where your actions have no logical explanation. I should have taken it, but I just shook my head and laughed at the generous offer as if it was a large joke between the both of us.

"I'd rather not, Leo," I admitted. "It sounds rather dry. I'll just head back to bed before practice."

"Okay…" he replied, pausing upon doing so. "Get a good sleep for practice."

I told him that I could handle it and headed off to my room once again. I felt very good at that point. I had gotten the answer to what was bothering me: I needed to know more about what part a paradigm could play in my life after the night before.

I would also eventually take Leo up on that book, though it wouldn't be until much later. Not until he was gone to the farm, breaking everything I had come to learn about him.

* * *

I hobbled into living room as I did every day. Don said my shin was healing surprisingly well despite my insistence about not staying in bed and allowing it to rest. I told him that it was further evidence of how my time of unconsciousness had been very well enough for my body to catch up on rest with.

He hadn't said anything to me as I used my crutches to "walk" past his lab, though he did give me an unappreciative eye. Not that I cared. I somewhat enjoyed getting on his nerves nowadays.

What was it that they say? The people you are closest to are the ones you lash out at?

When I reached the living room there was not really much of a surprise to find that none other than Raphael was brooding on the couch. He stared forward with a vigorous determination to not give me the pleasure of a glance. I didn't really care all that much anymore. I had gotten used to the treatment by then.

It was funny how uninviting the situation was. Not so long ago I was the one hogging the couch, but I would be begging Raph and the others to join me. Raph would always hate watching television while there was still daylight to kill and would spend most of his time seeking action.

Now he spent what time he wasn't brooding through lone time in the dojo or out on the streets he was spending on the couch, watching the television.

Fortunately for me, that day I was not interested in the couch or the television screen.

I had some business to attend to at the other half of the living room.

Wasting little time, I made my way over to the office space where Leo had spent most of his alone time. I felt chills go down my arms and I had to stop. I stared at it. This was Leo's space, he never kept us out of it but that was only because we already knew that it was off limits already.

It was our little sign of respect to him and even if he was at the farm, away from home, not using this space, I could not avoid my initial instinct.

Every fiber of my being was telling me turn away and leave the office alone. All but one that is.

I listened to the one.

Reaching the desk, I quietly slid behind it. My gaze shifted uneasily between the desk and the back of Raph's head. There was a sense of uneasiness in the room, this was something I was not supposed to do. I didn't know how Raph would react.

Assured that everything was going to work out, Raph in the least didn't _know_ what I was doing, I turned my full attention to the desk.

Biting on my lip, I carefully opened the desk drawer. It was, of course, neatly organized beyond fault. I sighed. Typical Leo, but at least it would be helpful in finding the book. I know the organization was more for himself than for anyone else, but I was glad it was a freak like that.

My fingers gently moved around the papers and notebooks and books and folders. That drawer wasn't the one and I cursed over it before continuing to the next drawer.

As usual my crutches were simply making the entire situation awkward so I sat back in the creaking chair before going through yet another drawer. I grinned happily. My search was complete! I found the book titled 'Seeing Another Side.'

Paradigms…

That was when I felt myself being turned around in the chair to face Raph. He looked angry, horrified, offended. Everything at once, all toward me _again._

"The **hell!?"** he hissed.

I swallowed. But I wasn't scared. He wouldn't do anything to me.

"I'm getting this book," I said slowly. "…Leo told me to read it one day."

Turning away, Raph reached over me and closed the drawers with such tenderness… it was strange to see his tensed, nerved muscles, twitching with anger, move with such absolute gentleness. But it was completely understandable.

When he did not move after the next few moments, I did. I left, but not because I was scared.

I don't get as easily scared anymore. Not since I broke my own paradigm.

* * *

Raph's grin was the most intimidating thing I knew when I was growing up. I can remember being a little kid and having to spar him. He was always a bit more developed than the rest of us and he didn't care to remind us of it. He would throw his weight around and knock every one of us down when he could. Really, only Leo could put up with him and that was only after years of training.

Seeing my brother as a much bigger, much more muscular teenager with the same intimidating factors facing me, I was absolutely terrified during that day's practice.

He spun his Sai and I gulped. He knew he had already scared me out of my shell and he was fully prepared to use this to his advantage. He always did. Even when we had actual fights such as against some street punks or the Foot, Raph scared people out of their wits. He was known for his brutality even if he had mellowed over recent years.

Mellowing had not helped his image with me much either, and I was probably his best friend!

"What's the matter, Mike?" he laughed before charging. I screamed and blocked before backing up again. "Don't wanna spar?"

"No," I muttered in reply. "Just don't feel like dying is all."

He laughed that psychotic fake laugh he has. He always uses that when he knows he has someone scared. It works, too, that's what's sad. I know what it _is_ and I'm scared. I could hear Leo and Don sparing near us and I could also hear Leo's signature groan in response to Raph's laugh.

Leo hated Raph's tactics even more than I did. Fortunately for him, he was unmoved by them.

"Raphael!" Master Splinter snapped from the meditation mats where he observed our sparing. He held up a warning finger and narrowed his eyes. "Less of this nonsense. Focus on bettering your skills, not your personas."

I let out a whine. Now I knew what was going to happen.

With a shrug, Raph acted as if the reactions from Leo and Splinter had not fueled something even if we all knew better. "Skills, Master Splinter? If you **insist!"** he grinned.

In less than a minute, after two unsuccessfully blocked hits and one kick to the stomach, I found myself sliding back on my shell toward Don and Leo's arena. I moaned as I skidded to a halt and lay out as if he had knocked the wind out of me.

He had not really hurt me, let me assure you. My brothers and I know how to properly spar by now and Raph would not have dared actually harmed me in his showy display of power. I was his friend and I had a sort of special pass with him.

It did not mean I wanted to get back in the fight with him anytime soon, though.

Suddenly, there was a hand extended in front of my face and I had to blink at it dumbly a few times before the reality of it sunk in. I looked up and stared at Leo's face as he waved his hand slightly, trying to draw my attention back to it.

"Come on, Mikey," Leo sighed. I took his hand and he hoisted me to my feet effortlessly.

I sighed, fully expecting yet another one of his lectures. I was surprised to not receive it, though. Instead, Leo patted my shell and gave me a stern, flat look with a nod.

"You can do better," he said simply before returning to his own spar with Don.

I blinked again. Did he mean that idiot move I played during the Foot fight? He honestly was not asking me to do a video game move before Master Splinter was he? No, no. I shook my head. That wasn't it. He meant something else, surely.

Looking back to Raph, seeing his smug, winning expression, I narrowed my own eyes. Raph shouldn't have been that confident that he could beat me. Seriously, I had learned everything he knew. I was just as good as him. Really! I could!

"You can forfeit, Mike," he offered cheekily.

"So can you!" I said just as confidently before spinning my chucks.

Raph raised an eye ridge before laughing, not taking me seriously. He rushed forward and I waited. I was beginning to feel my stomach flutter but I knew I could do it. I knew I could do _better._ Leo had told me so and I trusted his judgment.

When Raph charged, I adjusted myself and allowed his charge to reach about two feet in front of me. In the chains of one of my nunchucks, I entangled the forked ends of both of his Sai. He looked shocked and I grinned.

Twisting my wrist with a quick snap, I pulled the Sai directly from his hands while pulling him forward. He lost his step and I moved out of the way, allowing him to collide with the ground with a harsh smack. He hit and I stood there. He sat up and I stared at him.

"Good job, Mike," I heard Leo praise from behind us.

I grinned at Raph toothily. "Not so high and mighty now, are we?" I questioned.

"Dumb luck, Bro," Raph shot back but he grinned. Raph always had a soft spot for me, like I said, and he was always appreciative of a good fight that wasn't with Leo.

It was almost immediately that Master called practice to an end and I felt strangely exuberated. I was stunned with myself. I had beaten Raph before, but not while he was being level. If I won it was not because of my own skills in fighting as much as it was of my skills at being annoying and talkative.

This was new. This was something I could get used to!

"Nice fight, Mike!" Don exclaimed before patting my shell and holding onto my shoulder her grinned. "Great way to start off our Star Trek marathon, right?"

"Oh, shell!" I smacked myself in the head. "I had completely forgotten, Don!"

Leo walked over from talking to Raph. It apparently ended well because Raph and he weren't swearing at each other yet. Leo looked to me and Don and smiled softly. "Good fight, Mike. You should really have that marathon with Don as a reward."

I shook my head and grinned. "Yeah, well, that would mean you had to watch it, too, Leo," I reminded him. I quirked my brows and grinned. "I know for a _fact_ that you don't like sci-fi."

He laughed. "True, but you deserve it, Mike."

"We can do it another time," Don offered. "I forgot you guys were still punished. It really hasn't felt much like you guys are getting _grounded_ with this treatment so it's hard to remember."

"Yeah," I nodded. "We'll do it in a week or two. You and I were going to work on some of those Kanji scrolls today, right, Leo?"

I saw Leo's brow furrow, as if he did not understand what we were saying or what I was offering. It was strange. I wasn't sure what to make of it. "I can do those on my own, Mike," he said in a 'that's final' tone. "You won't have any fun with it. You'd prefer to watch the marathon."

Don and Raph suddenly seemed disinterested. Don said he would get out the movies and headed out while Raph said he was going to call up Casey and went out the other direction. I stared at the cold glare Leo had and realized what the subtext of this conversation truly was.

"You would have more fun with Don than me," was what Leo _meant._

But it wasn't true! I had been having a lot of fun with Leo! I couldn't believe he thought of himself as such a burden to my enjoyment. It seemed… so unreal. We were brothers, after all. I loved him just as much as the others and had been learning how much joy I could get out of spending time with him.

I felt my gut sink some. I realized then that when Leo had told me before about the definition of paradigms, he was not preaching to me as I had assumed.

Leo was stuck in his own glass box. It was keeping him from seeing **himself**for all that he was worth to this family and to me.

…

A/N: Slightly longer chapter than usual.

Feedback appreciated!


	7. How It Begins

I've been exceedingly tired throughout these updates and I'm trying to figure out just what could be the central cause of this feeling of just… Exhaustion? I don't know. I think that the fact that volleyball is finally over will help with that, though. I only dislocated my arm three times this season and sprained my back twice with no ankle troubles so all in all it's been a good year.

Once again, I really do appreciate you guys and your very supportive reviews. I'm hoping to get some action in soon for those of you concerned with that particular issue ;P

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Seven: How It Begins

We crossed the rooftops in silence. I still had trouble believing what I had uncovered in practice earlier that day. I kept looking over my shoulder, looking Leo over, checking his demeanor. It was hard to really read him, though.

The fact that the sun was just then setting and happened to glaze across the surface of his body, silhouetting him in the rose sky, did not help either. All I could see was his outline move across the blood red sky.

"Geeze, you ever going to rest, Leo?" I asked as I skidded to a halt, stopping the training run to Leo's obvious annoyance. After all, we had only separated from Don and Raph for the team practices a few minutes ago.

"Yes, when this training is complete," he said shortly. I could see his brow furrow further. "If you wanted to have fun then you should have watched that Star Wars marathon with Don earlier. Like I **told** you to."

I laughed.

"That would be Star **Trek**, Spock," I retorted before softening my smile somewhat. "And I didn't want to. Some days are good for it and others just aren't, y'know?"

"No," he muttered before tensing and spinning about, swords at the ready.

Seeing his alertness, I removed my chucks only to find that the flutter of wings filled the air. Leo straightened in front of me as the black silhouettes of a flock of birds from the building level under us began to soar upward. They flew up and joined in a single black blot, moving away from us.

I smirked. "I like watching those nasty little things."

Leo huffed and returned his swords to his sheathes and looked back at me with a solemn smile. "Nasty little things are right. They're not quite as fetching as actual birds," he commented before looking back, seeing the birds escape into what was left of the sunlight. "Like at the farm."

"Ah, Leo," I shook my head before stepping up closer to him. "What are you so jumpy for? It's like you're expecting heads to roll or something."

"I kind of am," he sighed in admittance before looking to me. "I am so tired of feeling like the Foot is breathing down my neck. They're always there, I can feel them enclosing us… And there's nothing I can do about it except keep it down on paper." He shook his head and looked back.

"I'd never forgive myself if I slipped and let one of you get hurt."

I frowned. "You're cutting us a little short, aren't you, Bro?" I asked.

"You're cutting the Foot short," he snorted in reply.

"So? We'll cross that bridge as we get to it, Leo," I reasoned. I smirked. "You know what we all need? A vacation from the stress of the city. We need to go to the beach." I slowly began to grin wider. "Oh, yeah! The Beach! That'd be so great!"

He laughed. "So I could work up my nerves trying to make sure you guys wouldn't get caught by a scientist or cause some sort of Sea Monster riot." He smiled at me. "I'd prefer to go to the farm."

"Oh?" I asked.

"Sometimes," he sighed, "I feel it's the only place in the world where I'll ever be at peace… and still be safe…" He looked at me once more. "You understand?"

I did.

* * *

There are times when your body just shuts off from being so utterly exhausted and, in so many words, this is precisely what happened to me about twenty minutes ago.

I am still wide awake, I promise, and sprawled out on the backseat. I think I'm even snoring some, though it's just my chest feeling so heavy when I breathe. And my eyes are closed, too, which definitely doesn't help the argument of me being awake.

Well, my eyes aren't **completely **closed, I guess. I can still see the front seat, like how April is staring at me sadly. I don't like the way she's looking at me in the least… Like I'm some sort of child or lost puppy. Like I need a hug…

Do I need a hug?

"We're almost there," Casey suddenly speaks up as he continues his driving, much more careful than earlier. I am actually rather surprised. I didn't expect him to be the one to make amends.

I guess no one expects me to make amends with Leo either, though.

"That's good," April sighs before reaching back, stroking the hand I'm laying out against the floor of the car. She lets out a small noise from the back of her throat, as if she's holding something back. "He looks so weak, Casey… He's deep asleep."

I really want to snap back at the weakness comment, maybe just to tell her I'm not asleep – but I'm too tired for that even! I just don't like this mothering. Splinter mothers me, Don mothers me, April mothers me – they're all doing it wrong.

Leo knows how to do it without making me feel like a complete idiot. Raph hits on it every now and then but he's nothing like Leo.

He tries, he gets close, but he's aware of so much of the aspects he lacks.

"I can't believe what that fight has done to him… He's so… introverted," she sighs. "And… And poor Leo."

I inwardly sigh and allow her to continue stroking my hand, warming the appendage in the numbing cold. I remember why she is mothering me now. She never got to see Leo at the farm with the others because she was staying home and taking care of me.

I suppose she earned the right to mother me.

"Everything will be alright…" Casey assures her before reaching with his free hand and grabbing her hand gently. "I'm sorry, Babe. I would never want a fight to be the last thing you heard from me for a while… I've really been thinking more about it lately. It's not the way to treat people you love."

"I'm sorry, too, Casey," April tearfully agrees before grasping his hand tighter. "You are right, I was overreacting back there."

They continue their conversation for a few more moments and I begin to lose interest. I close my eyes tighter and think upon it.

They will be fine… But I can't help but think about mine and Leo's fight… I wonder if it will end up the same, in forgiveness.

I suppose I should start from the beginning…

* * *

We both sat at Master Splinter's side and smile at how content he seems. We know this is the end of a long punishment period, we know that we will have freedom. We can see how clearly happy Master is with our progress and nothing can be better feeling than knowing Master is pleased.

"You have learned in this week, my son?" our father questioned.

"We have, Sensei," we both responded.

He nods in acknowledgement. "I am happy to hear, my sons. What have you learned?"

I laughed, I had to go first. Leo grinned at me though he did his best to look at me warningly. I ignored him successfully. "I must say, Master, you have chosen a leader who has a secret urging for raunchy films and sketchy comedy numbers!"

Splinter chuckled. "This so, Michelangelo?"

"Oh, yeah," I laughed.

Master Splinter rubbed his chin thoughtfully as Leo reached over and flicked the back of my head playfully. So much for him attempting to act overly honorable before our father. Splinter looked to him more intently next. "Your experience taught you what, Leonardo?"

Leo smiled and straightened more. He smiled toward me some. "I've learned, Master, that you may want to invest some more time into Michelangelo," Leo explained. "He is a natural in many of the aspects of ninjitsu that I have to work time and time again to master."

"A large claim, Leonardo," Splinter smiled before looking to me. "Does the truth meet the claim?"

I nervously laughed. "I hope so."

"Very well, my sons," Splinter nodded. "I am very pleased with the progress as a family you have made in this time. Very proud in fact. I hope you shall continue to advance upon the bonds you have made. I hope you shall continue to evolve the images of each other that you have created."

"Yes, Sensei," we agreed before bowing to him.

"You are free of your punishment," he finished.

With that we left and shoved each other around jokingly. It was simply fun. It was just brotherly. I would give anything to do it again, to be so free of worries – to be free of each other yet wanting to be around each other at the same time.

"What are we going to do now?" I asked. "We practiced last night so we don't **really **need to go on another practice run or patrol," I continued to reason, seeing his resistance. "If you wanted to bad enough you could just send Raph and Don, y'know!"

"I don't know, Mike," he said lowly. "I'd rather finally be allowed to work on individual skills after all this time."

I shook my head. "Uh-huh, you're a worse liar than Don," I laughed. "Admit it; you'd like to be lazy for **one **night with your favorite brother!"

"But Don's so busy," Leo joked.

"Ha ha!" I snorted before looking at him. "C'mon, Leo – to celebrate? I'll never make you do it again! I promise!" I pouted my lip and batted my eyes.

He rolled his.

He sighed. I could see him churning on the inside, negotiating with all the different responsibilities on his mind. He groans. "What for?" he mutters.

I grinned. I love it when I win.

"Battle Ship!" I demanded.

"Make it Chess and we have a deal," he grinned.

"Baby," I joked before nodding my head.

I watched as he walked off to tell Don and Raph and I scrambled to get the Chess set from under the living room's coffee table. Raph and Don walked by with Leo chasing after them with advice and directions and so on and so forth – same Old Leo.

"In the least stay five blocks from Main!" he continued to press as they headed out the door. "They're very heavy in that area. Don't attack if you come across them, though. It's no doubt an ambush – their numbers have increased dramatically."

"For the love of—Leo, back off! We get it," Raph groaned.

"I'll keep Raph under control," Donny promised with a laugh. "Don't worry about it."

"Leo," I yelled out. "Get in here before they practice on **you!**" I could hear the others snicker and eventually Leo did come in, though he was not all that amused at me. I thought it was funny, though. It was all that mattered.

"That was very important, Mike," he expressed his annoyance clearly.

I shook the Chess set. "So is this!"

"Goof."

"Hard-shelled!"

We grinned at each other before heading to the table. I got out the pieces and Leo set them up and talked battle strategies that he was going to use on me through the game. I stared at him and did my best to soak in everything he was telling me.

"Telling me your plans isn't all that smart, Leo," I said with a shake of my finger. "Poor choice."

Leo grinned at me. "Do you remember anything I just said?"

My beak twitched some in annoyance at the question. He was so damn cocky sometimes. He was right usually, too. I guess that's why it was always so frustrating. It was exactly what got under Raph's skin so bad in this situation.

"No," I finally answered.

"That's why I do it," he mused before making the first move.

There was a reason why Master Splinter chose to give so much of the battle tactics work to Leo. Don might have been our all-around genius, but he could not hold a candle to Leo when it came to strategy! Seriously!

Leo was like the right hand man of the Feudal Japan times where the Chunin, the clan leader's succession choice, acted as a master of battle tactics. He had been trained well and was already a natural at the area.

Suffice it to say, I lost.

"Checkmate," Leo grinned as he moved his knight forward.

"Ass," I hiss. "I like Battle Ship better anyway."

He rolled his eyes. "Get it out then," he sighed. "I'll beat you at that, too."

I grinned and rushed toward the living room again. I mentally questioned why all our games were in there if we played them on the kitchen table before heading back, faintly hearing the sound of the lair door slamming.

"GREAT ADVICE, Leader!" Raph roared as he and Don entered. "Lead us straight into an ambush!"

Leo's chair hit the ground and he rushed as fast as I could to oversee how my brothers had fared in the situation. I was relieved to see only minor scratches and bruises, nothing like what we had seen before in much worse encounters.

Leo still was not happy, though.

"What happened!?" he demanded.

"We went where you told us," Don assured him. "Didn't even get close to the perimeter."

"Was it a scouting party?" he demanded.

"If it was, they got some good scouting done," I joked.

"Can it, Mike!" Leo snapped without ever so much as looking at me. He was in Leader Mode.

"No, full fledged ambush," Raph growled.

"You sure?" Leo pressed.

"They had a friggin' Elite with them!" Raph hissed. "Got outta there before he could get at us."

"Sounds like a week to stay home then," I piped.

Leo turned to me, furious at the information as well as my unserious manner. He pointed a thick index finger at me and almost snarled at me. "Grow up, Mike. Right now is not the time to be acting like some sort of hatchling."

He took off for the office and Raph took off after him to take up my defense.

I just stood there. I was so… disappointed.

It was like we were back exactly where we started.

…

A/N: Hmm, not much to add.

Feedback appreciated.


	8. Conflict Solved?

The turtles have absolutely taken over my writing consciousness, if you have not already guessed that. Without a doubt it is still interesting to see how many ways I can twist them around, like every evil fan author. Hmm, something random… Happy Cows come from California.

I'm still so pleasantly surprised with how simply great these reviews have been. Haha, I'm not used to get so many thoughtful ones and it means an awful lot ;) Thanks you guys, I really appreciate it!

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Eight: Conflict Solved?

To say I was irritated in the days to come would have been quite the understatement.

In my defense, it is not real nice to build a good relationship, a good brotherly relationship, with someone if you cannot be consistent with how you portray it. I always, always, **always** made sure I gave my brothers equal amounts of annoying antics because they expected it, that's how I show them I care about them and what they're doing.

As soon as Leo had heard that the Foot had expanded well beyond his expectations he had crowded down in the office extension and not moved for about two days. He barely said anything to anyone, in particular me.

He seemed so worried about something.

It was like Chess, I guess. Leo had his pieces and so did the Foot. He wanted to win with all his might, few people liked to win like Leo did, but there was a major issue that dampened that hope of his no matter how much he ingeniously maneuvered it.

The Foot had a lot more pieces – they had dozens of pawns that they did not have to be overly concerned with losing. Leo could not spare anyone.

He could spare, however, conversation.

For the first day I left him alone for the most part and respected that privacy that he held so dear. After all, he was only looking out for us, it wasn't like he was purposely isolating me from his life – I kept telling myself I was just being whiny and clingy.

As we ran through the hours of the second day, however, I was less compliant with my common sense. I was certain that Leo was purposely ignoring me, and only me, because from time to time throughout the day Don and Raph could go in and talk to him, probably "business," but I didn't get even a thank you as I brought him food and water.

At around eight o'clock in the evening of the second day I was unyielding in my own stubbornness and I had refused to get Leo's dinner for him – he had two legs of his own to get it with, right?

When Leo came to my room to check on me – or to find out why I had not been waiting on him – I arrogantly declared within myself that I was not going to please him with a response.

So, I opened up my GameDude and turned the volume up as I turned on the game. I looked slightly over the top of the handheld device before looking back at the screen. He was frowning at me in slight disappointment before crossing his arms over his chest and cocking his head.

He was acting like such a douche already.

"You alright, Mike?" he asked in what I took to be fake sincerity.

I did not answer.

Instead, I turned my look to the video game and began clicking away, starting on the level I was on last. I suddenly recalled why I had quit trying to advance on this game a few months ago: the stupid level was near **impossible** and I had to pass through this terrible troll guarded bridge.

Leo then let out a small noise and I caught sight of him shaking his head in the corner of my eyes. "That mad at me?" he asked.

I turned up the volume.

"Oh, come off it, Mike," Leo ordered harshly as he glared at me. He waited a minute for my response, which, of course, did not come. I don't think he was expecting me to act this way and, for once was not sure what to do. "I had to do work, Mike. You can't get mad at me for that."

I stared at him more directly then. His brow furrowed and I raised my eye ridge.

"Do you want me to say I'm sorry?" he asked harshly, almost angrily. He narrowed his eyes. "You want me to apologize for doing what I could to make sure that our family doesn't get boxed in by our enemies? For making sure you and everyone else is okay?"

I rolled my eyes. I figured that he'd be justifying himself and turned a little more to the side, facing him less as I began battling again.

Stupid troll knocked me off.

In a sense I really wasn't paying attention to his pause, I almost expected him to be gone, aggravated that he hadn't won this round of the argument. In my own anger, I really couldn't see him doing much else because the paradigm was clouded by my aggravation.

I was surprised when Leo spoke up again. "…I **am** sorry."

When I swallowed, I made certain that he would not hear it. I wouldn't risk him realizing how much he absolutely shocked me at that moment. Every nerve in my body felt a bit numbed at the shock and somewhat ashamed for underestimating how large of a character my brother had.

None of that measured up to my bitterness, though.

He had apologized; it should have been more than enough to satisfy whatever petty feelings I was experiencing. Looking back at it I want to go back and make it enough, embrace the moment for what it really was. But I can't change the past. I can't change how sourly I sat there and refused to respond.

I can't tell you what more I wanted other than Leo to feel as bad and isolated as I had.

After waiting for my reply, Leo lowered his head and grunted to himself. He had wanted so much to feel relieved, to have this fight over with. Then I heard the final straw, "So childish."

I gritted my teeth before quickly pushing myself to a sitting position. I glared at him with such anger and hurt that I could see on his face that he realized his mistake. I was so tired of that comeback for every time he did not agree with me!

Just because I enjoy a lighter view of things, just because I am not brooding and obsessive, just because I enjoy a laugh does **not** make me a child any more than it does any of my other brothers!

"You know what, Leo? Screw you!" I snapped. "I might be a lot of things but at least I am not a stuck up Mother Hen! You're not our parent, y'know! I'm just as old as you! I'm just as grown up as you, I just don't walk around like I have a rod in my shell!"

Leo did what he usually did in these situations. He hardened his face and stood there, straight and unreadable. "I know," he said lowly.

For the life of me I still can't figure out why I just could not be satisfied with these answers by then! I don't know what I wanted. I just knew that Leo would never be able to figure out what I wanted either and I was frustrated because I couldn't be satisfied. Vicious cycle…

"Forget it!" I growled before rushing past him.

At first I didn't sense him coming after me, I think maybe he was expecting me to stay within the lair. That was when I decided that I needed out. I couldn't think through my decision any further than I wanted away from my family – I was irritated with anyone and everyone, especially Leo.

As I reached the door, I heard him coming after me. "Mike, what the hell!?" he demanded. "Don't leave the lair!"

"Stop telling me what to do, Leo!" I growled before pushing forward.

The arguments ensuing are more of a blur than anything else, but I was hell bent on getting to the surface – I needed air, I needed to feel like I was not stuck in the pressure cooker of our home, of the sewers, of Leo's vicinity.

But he would not leave no matter how far I went.

A block into my escape he attempted to tackle me so he could drag me back home and I got myself out of that within an instant. He growled some before leaping after me, I ran backward and shook my head. His eyes narrowed in aggravation and I grinned.

I was getting him to feel as bad as I had felt earlier.

He snorted as I came to a stop. He was so aggravated and I just **loved** to press the buttons a little further. It was what I did best, after all. It was like my own form of revenge. So I waved for him to rush forward at me.

He didn't take the invitation, though.

"Stop," he said lowly. "We're already in the red zone, let's just go home before anything else happens that we regret."

I rolled my eyes. "Like what, Leo? I kick your sorry shell?"

"Like you get your sorry shell handed to you by a Foot ninja, now knock it off," he hissed irritably. "I know you're mad at me, Mikey. Hell, I probably deserve it. I know I'm not the easiest turtle to get around with, but I really just want to get you home right now before you get hurt." He looked at me pleadingly. "**Please.**"

I stared at him.

A grin etched onto my face. "You're not that hard to get along with, Leo," I assured him. "When you're not shoving your swords up your rear you're actually rather pleasant to be with."

He shook his head and huffed at my statements. "Yeah, so pleasant that I drive my brother to foolish antics, rushing off into enemy territory to get himself killed." He looked at me and, for the first time, I really noticed just how tired he looked – like he had not had sleep in days. "Let's just go home, what do you say?"

I bit my lip as I realized the stupidity of my own actions. Shell. I knew what a bad idea this had been yet I could not retain my senses until at that moment.

"I really could have kicked your shell, though," I laughed. "Did you see me? You couldn't lay a hand on me."

"Who said I was trying?" Leo retorted with a fling of his hand. He smiled sarcastically at me. "I was letting you get away the whole time."

"Bull," I replied before walking over to him. I sighed. "Sorry that I had a moment of stupidity back there."

He grinned. "Me, too," he nodded before turning and putting his arm over my shoulders. "Let's go home before anything else happens," he suggested as we walked back toward the manhole.

In that moment, I knew everything was going to be okay between us.

It was when we both stiffened and separated, pulling out our weapons and looking into the shadows of the alleys as ninja began to emerge, all carrying blades and all wearing the tell-tell Foot emblem on their garb, that I knew that there was one thing Leo never would forgive me for…

… how could he forgive me for this fight? The one that would take so much from our entire family?

* * *

I laid my head back against the brick wall and watched as Raph continued to take his unrelenting rage out against his now decorated punching bag. He hit and kicked without any acknowledgement of my presence and I simply stared at the punching bag.

I watched the swing, the dancing Foot emblem on the bag.

I closed my eyes and sighed. I had done this every day for a while at that point. In one sense I was hoping that pretty soon Raph would give me the satisfaction of admitting I was still alive in his eyes. In another sense I had an open ended question about the emblem.

"There you are," Don's voice loftily awoke me from my thoughts. I looked up to see my brother standing over me with a tired, worried expression. He was not angry, though, he had finally come to accept my need to get out of the blood stained infirmary and my memory-filled room.

He slide down against the wall and came to sit beside me.

I sighed and leaned against him, laying my head on his shoulder tiredly. I was exhausted from thinking over and over again about the present. It was almost more depressing than obsessing over my past in some sad sense.

He gently put his arm around me and hugged me securingly. I needed it so bad right then… to feel someone see just **me** when I walked around and not what trouble I had gotten Leo into.

At that point, Master was still too grieved to be helpful in my time of need.

"Why do you come here every day?" Don asked in curiosity. He paused before adding, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

I sighed and looked at the punching bag again. Watching the emblem swing… swing… swing…

"Is that… the one?" I asked as I looked at it.

He paused and sighed before nodding his head. "Yeah… it is…"

I scowled slightly as I stared at it. "Raph got him?"

There was another pause then, "Yes. Yes, he did."

I nodded and leaned back more easily.

"Good."

…

A/N: Two more chapters to go…

Feedback appreciated!


	9. Trapped

I can only apologize so much for the time it took for me to upload this chapter. I've been quite busy and unusually social as of late, as you can see on my profile page. But, on the other hand, I'm sure a whole lot of you were busy with the Halloween festivities as well. In any case, I at last finished up this chapter and am kind of saddened that we have only this and chapter ten left…

Thank you all so much for the support, you guys! I'm so excited that anyone out there besides myself is enjoying this story. I really, truly appreciate it ;) Thanks!

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Nine: Trapped

I remember sitting beside Don in the absolute silence of the room. He didn't want to say anything because he already knew what was on my mind. No one else had come out of their rooms yet besides the two of us and it was almost noon.

After the six months of hell I guess one could argue that Master and Raph were simply sleeping in. The problem with that conclusion, though, is that Master wouldn't have been able to sleep in through that day even if he had wanted to.

As for Raph… I just knew that he was awake. I knew this mostly because I knew he had yet to actually go to sleep.

That day had made six months, only Donny and I were in the lair's cold, barren corridors.

I was getting around well. My leg, by some otherworldly or mutated miracle had healed and all that was left of that night were the scars riddling my body like interconnected trenches. In other words I looked like Frankenstein's monster.

Don knew that I was healed. He also knew that this meant that I no longer needed a doctor.

I think he was questioning whether or not I needed him now, though it was most likely a thought shoved into the far corners of his mind if it was there at all. He was much more concerned, I believe, with what he knew was coming.

"Are you hungry?" he asked me dryly, breaking the icy quiet between the two of us. "I can make you something to eat."

"No," I responded truthfully. I began to wring my hands awkwardly and watched as Don turned from me. He didn't want the conversation to even start.

But I had to know.

"How did Leo…" I began only to bite my lip. How does one start a conversation like this? "After the fight…"

He wouldn't look at me and I suddenly felt crushed. Had I possibly broken the last true-brotherly connection I had left in this family? Had I pressed Donny simply too far this time? Why couldn't I have waited for another day?

"I always… thought after that much blood loss…" Don spoke up slowly, his voice fading into pauses as he concentrated on each censored word, "… I always thought we'd look… pale… like white."

I didn't understand.

Don bit his lip. "Leo and you… were **sallow**…"

It was lovely visuals, but it was not what I wanted. No, I wanted something much deeper than what he was going to tell me at that point.

Sucking it up some and overcoming my anxiety, I sighed and looked at my brother very seriously, something I had been getting much better at over the months. He stared downward, though I caught a very aware flicker in his eye.

"Did Leo say anything before he left?" I demanded.

Don released a quick sigh. It wasn't really aggravation but it wasn't relief either. "Yes," he replied shortly at last.

I stared at him, hardening myself to his ridiculous answers. I wasn't in a mood to be played with any more than he was. I crossed my arms. "Well?"I questioned.

"Well what?" he looked at me with a blink.

"What was it?"I asked, becoming irritated myself at that point.

"That he said?" Don asked. I replied with a low, growl-like noise which, for whatever reason, he seemed to acknowledge and even understand before leaning back in his chair. "I don't know what he said to be honest," Don shrugged.

"What!?" I growled. "How do you not know?"

Don frowned. "He didn't tell me," he said lowly. "He told Raph…"

I moaned and rubbed my face. It would have just been easier if Don had said that Leo had not said anything at all. Anything would have been more welcomed information than one currently thrown at me. And this had been important, too.

"Great," I huffed.

"Just go ask him," Don whispered lowly.

I stared at him before shaking my head. "Raph would eat me alive then spit me back up before backing up over my ashes!"

"He would not," Don retorted, now beginning to be a slight more irritated with me. "What makes you say that?"

The reply came out before I could stop it. "Because he hates me."

Don narrowed his eyes. "No he doesn't," he said firmly, a strange tone coming from the Don I knew. "What makes you think that?" he demanded.

I felt my insides churn. "I-I don't know," I responded. I was worried because I didn't want to get another one of my brothers in trouble. "Just recently he seems… angry."

"At you?"

"At me."

Don stood up and stormed out. "We'll see about that!" he declared as he took off toward Raph's room. I was too dumbfounded to react and I suddenly had the urge to hide in my shell and just never come out except for food, water, and comic books ever again.

I lowered in my seat miserably. My mind was racing with everything that had happened and I felt dizzy and increasingly depressed. I wanted so bad for all of this to end and never have my family hurt and broken the way it was and is.

At that moment I felt a warm, familiar hand grace my shoulder with its presence and I gratefully leaned back into my father. He affectionately held to both of my shoulders and sighed a long, hurt sigh of his own.

"We must speak, Michelangelo," he insisted.

And we did…

* * *

I always think it's strange how when you're very anxious about arriving somewhere, the last few miles seem the longest and most unnerving. One instant the trip is taking too long, the next moment the destination is arriving way too fast.

I really wish I could put my life on pause right now and reconsider everything I'm doing.

Even if I did have that magical ability, though, it would be much too late. I've interrupted the lives of our family's closest friends so that I could come this far to see my brother who was only in Northampton because of me to begin with.

Or was he?

I need to stop thinking about all this for just a minute, which is why I'm sitting in the back seat while Casey and April are in the little folk store – our last stop before we get to Casey's grandmother's farmhouse. It's like a tradition for Casey or something.

I don't care either way. I needed the pause and I'm really enjoying the pop rocks that April bought for me. They are just what I needed to wake myself up!

It is completely engulfing my attention as I place the round candies on my tongue only to take them from there and smack them around in my jaw as they explode in my mouth. It's hilarious! It's making my jaw hurt, but it's hilarious!

I can feel a grin on my face, a big one. It almost feels strange. It's been a long time since I could wear one so freely. It's almost like you have a favorite hat that you've worn in just right and then lose it. That's it – I've found my hat again.

It fits back in its old spot, same as always. But it's different, too. I know that while it's been gone I've missed a lot of opportunities to be wearing it.

Casey opens the door my feet were propped up on to my surprise and grins goofily in his classic, Space-Case sort of way. I smile politely as he gives his "sorry" and shoves in the floral wreath he and April had bought.

The pastel colors seem to really clash with the dark green – and very fake – foliage in my opinion. It reminds me of when I was on laundry duty and put in bleach with our masks. It just doesn't look right to me.

I hear the front doors open and the awkward shuffle of bodies sliding over cold leather and then the sound of the same doors slamming shut.

"Sorry it took so long, Mike," April apologizes. "Casey didn't know which one would look best for his Grandma's grave."

"Hey, this is important to me!" Casey mutters.

I find that my smile has gone missing again and do my best to retrieve it. Once again, though, it's a foreign smirk on my face that I've never felt the likes of before. I miss my old hat. "It's cool, guys, seriously," I reply. "I understand completely."

They both get real quiet as they reconsider their own words and then question whether mine had any underlying meanings themselves.

April looks back, though it feels forced in my opinion. "Do you think we should have gotten something for Leo on the way?" she asks timidly.

It's so strange to hear that carefulness in her voice. The April I know is strong and forceful even in her most compassionate state.

"No, it's okay," I assure her, regretting my earlier input.

"No it's not," Casey determines as he unbuckles himself. "I'll run in and grab something for Leo, Mike—"

"Seriously, don't," I say, a bit sharper this time. I watch as Casey slides back into his seat and nods reluctantly. I feel unusually satisfied. "Leo's not that showy, guys. First off, he hates presents and second of…" I pause and think. Did I have a second off before I started to ramble? "Well, I hope he can settle with seeing me."

"Of course he can," April says gingerly before nodding to Casey for him to start the car. "I bet it's the only thing he'll care about…"

I wasn't so sure.

* * *

Another thing I always wonder about is how it is that in the most intense, condemning circumstances that my mind will have the tendency to bring up the most random peculiarities. In the midst of the night's battle I was not overly concerned with the immediate threat of the Foot.

I was much more concerned with the cursing battle I was having with my brother.

"Shit!" Leo hissed as his knife-wielding opponent managed to cut his cheek one. Fearless angrily administered the hilt of his sword to the grunt's neck in return. He was not one happy ninja at the moment due to a combination of suppressing the urge to say "I told you so" to me and the fact that he had been outmaneuvered.

It was one thing to get Leo in trouble. It was another to be a step ahead of him.

Honestly, it scared me too. Leo was, after all, a tactical genius. If he was outmaneuvered I really didn't see much help for the rest of us. So this particular band of the Foot not only got to us on a physical level, but really was affecting Leo on that strange "mental superiority" battle of his.

Leo's job was to keep us out of trouble. He was failing because of me so my job in the family was kicking in: keeping the light atmosphere.

"Screw!" I exclaimed before pelting an approaching troop with shuriken. These were obviously the loser new guys because half of them didn't even attempt to dodge. Poor, unfortunate ninja.

Leo threw me a wicked grin which he worked his hardest to mask in a disapproving scowl but could not. He was enjoying it; I don't care what he said. At that instant I had that strange, over confident feeling that we were both going to come out of this just fine. It was no longer a concern of mine whether or not we knew what we were doing because good guys always come out on top!

Right?

"Your turn," I said with a flash of my tongue.

He raised an eye ridge at my antics before stiffening in alarm at how the ninja were suddenly backing off. That was never a good sign. It was like parting the waters only instead of Moses and the Hebrew crossing they were making way for the pharaoh and a little friend of his I like to call Satan.

I turned around to where Leo was facing and we saw **him**.

It was the Elite guard that Raph and Don had been telling us about. He looked like big guards on medieval video games that were all rippling muscles and scariness – Berserkers. He even carried an axe. A badass **axe**.

But that wasn't even the most of it! Not only did he look bad, but he had that whole omen about him like the Crypt Keeper or even Death himself! I think I could even smell rotting flesh on him – well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but there was something in the atmosphere that told me I did not want to stay in his company for long.

Leo summed it up the best with a little, four-letter word that rhymes with "muck."

I chortled some. "I'm telling Splinter."

"Mikey," he uttered in that warning voice as we backed up.

"I know," I grunted before a gulp as the Elite approached. "Quit acting like a child."

Leo shook his head some. "Actually…" he muttered, "I was going to say 'Tattle Tell.'"

He stopped before us and Leo and I made scowls. What did this guy want?

Suddenly, he looked at me and waved one hand for me to approach… by myself. I wasn't all that inclined to take the invitation so I grinned my best and shook my head at the offer. I wasn't about to get myself killed for sadistic pleasure.

"Don't do it," Leo hissed at me, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Dude," I replied, "like it was ever even in my thoughts to do something so stupid."

"You **did** get us here," he snorted.

At that point the Elite was no longer asking nicely and lunged forward so fast that the sheer shock just about kept me from my footing. Leo met his axe's swipe with a crossing fence and the two locked their weapons in a battle of shear force.

I could see in Leo's eyes, though, that even he knew that a contest of force would be next to useless against this Elite. He had far surpassed any of the muscle mass we all had acquired in our young, teenage lives and since he was an Elite it was fair to assume he had the sturdiness to back it up.

"Mike! Get out of here **now!**" he snapped at me as the weight and pressure caused his legs to quiver. He was leaning backward to levy the force of the axe elsewhere but his shell was restricting how much he could do so.

I stared at him. He could not have been serious with me, like I would leave my brother!

So I rushed forward and whirled my chucks at the Elite who just broke Leo's block and left a gash over my brother's worn carapace. It wasn't much but it was a hit, and with all the cuts and bruises we already had I knew that he would tough it out.

Problem was, by rushing I had inadvertently given the silent okay to the accompanying ninja to join in the attack. They came forward to assist their leader and Leo and I found ourselves in separate rings of fighting, furious grunts.

Curses leapt from my lips like the sound of a fine tuned instrument as I received blow after blow and delivered block after block accompanied with strike after strike. I was beginning to lose my cool somewhat because being in a losing battle was not all that fun!

Worse yet I was beginning to tire. I had no natural concept of time due to my own obliviousness so what had felt like ages of combat I could only take to be ages of combat in real time.

"LEO!" I yelled out as I could hear the clang of metal over my own blocking and attacking. He must not have heard me because the precise, unyielding noises continued. "Leo! Listen! LEO!"

At about that moment I happened to see a bulky grunt appear before me out of nowhere, catching me off guard, before hammering his knee into my stomach. I didn't even have a chance to gasp as every breath expelled from my lungs.

I went down like freshly sliced cold cuts and lay in a heap on the ground. For a moment I thought that maybe if I played dead they would leave me alone. Not a perfect or even reasonable plan but at the moment when I couldn't move, it sounded GREAT.

It was then that I felt a kick to my lower abdomen turn me over and prevent my chance for air intake. So I laid and looked up as the same guy cracked his knuckles. I grabbed my chucks and was ready to pull him down when his foot came down without warning on my shin. There was a sickening crack that entered my ears and honestly hurt me more than the leg itself.

I yelled out pulled my leg up from under his foot in response before biting down on my lip. I muttered another curse, still going for the record, before swiftly wrapping my chuck around the ankle of his supporting foot and yanking, literally taking his feet out from under him.

It is true what they say about the bigger they are.

At that moment I should have probably been wondering where the other ninja were or even where our buddy Mr. Elite had gone off to, but I didn't.

I laid my head back and groaned over my leg.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, as I shook from the pain of my poor, innocent leg, I recognized the sound of metal slicing through the air behind me. I blocked it out, though, because in the most stressful situation of my life I didn't really want to think about impending doom.

I heard Leo screaming and all went black.

…

A/N: It's not what you think… or is it?

Feedback appreciated.


	10. Long Awaited Reunion

Alright, I know. It's been two weeks and that's inexcusable. I did not mean to, I assure you, but some other stories needed updated as well, I got grounded for a few days, and THEN I realized that this chapter was TOO friggin' long. I know, I should have noticed that when I originally made the story's layout but I just would not feel comfortable with continuing through and making this chapter as long as I had originally intended. It would be... egh, bulky. I want at least a small amount of consistency in my chapters, so I hope you'll all forgive me and stay tuned for both this chapter AND the final which shouldn't take too long to write.

Once again, thank you SO much for the support, everyone. You really don't have any idea how much that means to me. Thank you very much! I would especially like to thank my lovely Betas for this chapter, Effar and Willowfly. Thanks so much!

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Ten: Long Awaited Reunion

Before my vision could even think of coming back, I recall hearing the echo of splashes, running, and the panting of labored breath right against my head. I was scared, I didn't know if I was alive, in Heaven, or in Hell.

Then feeling came back and I was for certain that it was Hell. In all my years of battling as a ninja, I had never felt so much pain in my life. It was one thing to be aching, bruised, and cut up, but this felt as though my every single nerve had been lit on fire. I suddenly wanted nothing more than to never feel, whether it be good or bad, ever again if only to rid myself of this burning.

Muffled noises came from above my head but the blistering, tearing pain was too much for me concentrate on anything else.

A cold splash of water pelted my feet and I was returned to reality for a short time. I realized that there were other senses that I had been ignoring. I felt securely held against my brother's hard plastron, the tight, shaking embrace of his arms around my shell, or the tears and blood falling upon my chest that were not my own.

At last, I could truly **hear**.

"Stay with me, Mikey. Stay with me!"

I felt jarred and opened my eyes to a blurry existence, realizing that we had stumbled. I looked about in this hazy world and saw my brother's exhausted, war torn face. He looked like death warmed over and he was crying something awful - over **me.**

"You can't leave me, Mikey! God, please! Mikey!"

Poor Leonardo.

I wanted so bad to look him in the face, to laugh off my own ache, and assure him that everything would be okay, things always were. When I tried, though, I couldn't. The words did not form, my body didn't move...

I felt as though I was trapped in stone.

As my eyes began to close against my will, Leonardo looked down at my face to see that I was awake. His expression teetered between horror and joy.

"Mikey!" he shouted hopefully, until my eyes closed yet again into a void of nothingness, of numbness. "MIKEY!"

* * *

It seemed like it had taken a lifetime on this voyage of ours. A few hours once I added up all the stops and detours we had made in Casey and April's initial bickering. It was finally over, though.

I 'm finally at the farm.

As I straighten up in the backseat and look around at the oh, so familiar landscape of our home away from home, I feel like I'm about to be sick. I know Leo's here, I know I owe him so much and I will never be able to thank him.

He dragged me out of that battle when I should have been left for dead... and that was not enough.

He did so much more after that...

The car is slowing and I really am about to vomit. I want to call Don! I want to go home! I want him here with me! I don't want to see Leo! I don't want to face the truth! I don't want to see what has happened because of me!

And yet... the car stops, waiting expectantly for me to get out of it.

I can't move for a few seconds. How could I? I never realized that it would actually get **harder** the closer I got! I didn't realize that Master had been wrong, that I'm not feeling better at all!

"Mikey?" April's sweet voice comes from the front seat, jarring me, waking me back up to the world of the living.

"Dude, you okay?" Casey adds.

Blinking a few times, I turn and look at them. Both of them have craned themselves backward to look at me. I almost wish they would stop existing all together if they can't look at me any other way. Why is everyone so sympathetic toward me? Why do I deserve it?

I'm not helping matters, though, I guess. I look into the rearview mirror and realize that I'm crying like a baby.

Oh, if Raph or Don could see me right now... I don't even want to think about it.

"Maybe... we should just go back," April whispers.

I feel shocked. Go back? To New York? To the Lair? Without **Leo?**

No, I can't be home without him anymore. I simply can't. It's not home without Leo. I have to bring him back! I have to apologize! I have to make things right again because they have been wrong for way too long!

I'm tired of Master Splinter's exhaustion, Raphael's anger, Donatello's sadness. I can't stand the stilled atmosphere — I can't, I just can't.

You can't understand what it feels like to be dead when you're still living.

"No!" I snap back. I'm in use of my body again, I can't stop now.

Neither of them are looking all that convinced by my performance. In fact, April seems even more saddened by it. They know about as much as I do in the situation, and that isn't much.

"Then let us go with you, Mike," Casey suggests sympathetically.

"I'd rather you didn't," I say sharply in turn. "I need to see him... by myself."

They sigh and nod in remorse. They understand.

I open the door and take in a breath of the fresh air. It's crisp, tinged with the autumn breeze but not dead yet, still clinging to the lively summer air. The farm is just as Leo always said it was, completely timeless, each season merely reflecting the others.

Stepping out, I walk forward and start toward the grassy plains of the barnyard. The grass is hardened despite being a deceitful green.

In the back of my mind I'm hoping Leo's far from the barn, that I won't have to see him just yet. Perhaps I could even sit around and take more time to go over my apology speech or prepare a joke for the occasion.

But I see him already. I see his bandana, torn from that night and stitched up like my Frankenstein wounds.

It's just like Don told me.

I make my way to him and feel my entire body quiver. My eyes are next to useless to see out of, they're filled to the brim with tears. So I fall to my knees, to his feet and just cry.

My speech, my jokes, they're all gone. All I can see is that mask.

"I'm so sorry..." I sob. "I'm so sorry..."

It's not supposed to be this way...

* * *

The next thing I remember was waking up faintly and realizing that my vision was skewed by a crimson liquid. I had no clue where it came from but I knew my head was throbbing something awful.

Next I saw my brother's blood splattered chest and realized that I was curled up in Leo's lap. He was mothering me so delicately that I almost cried at the mere earnesty of his actions.

His soft humming was urging me awake yet lulling me to sleep all at the same time, and his gentle massaging of my shell continued the trend of confusion.

I could feel that clouded shroud of darkness covering my eyes again, but I had to fight it no matter what. I could not risk to be lost from these feelings again because I feared I would never feel them again. A strange numbness had come to my wounds...

Still, something did not feel right... like I had been missing a part of myself.

I felt a warm hand against my cheek and I looked lazily to my brother's blurry face.

"Hey, Mikey," Leo choked out. "You-you're okay... You know that, right? You're okay?"

I blinked. I was too tired...

He frowned and continued working on my head. I supposed that this was what he had been maneuvering before. I felt assured... and horrified. There was something wrong with my head? Why couldn't I feel it?

Why was it making me so **tired?**

"You'll be just fine..." Leo croaked, I could see clearly enough to realize he was trembling. He was covered in so much blood. I may have been injured but I knew that in order to have bled that much on him by myself would have killed me. "Yeah, Mike... Don and Raph are on their way... I called them."

I relaxed and took in more of the moment. We were in the sewers, hidden, safe.

"H-home?" I gasped. My head couldn't move without this awful pain, not even for speaking.

"Shh." Leo coaxed me out of my terrible ache, drawing me closer. "There, used your mask... you'll be fine. " He tucked his arms under my shell and I wanted nothing more than to curl up against him and forget this entire night, wish it had never happened, wake up from it. "We're not home."

The news was heartbreaking. I wanted to be home with Sensei and Don and Raph... I didn't like being out here, even in the sewers. It wasn't safe, not completely.

"I couldn't let them track us to the Lair," Leo sighed as he brushed his thumb against my face. "I... I couldn't make it that far, anyway. "

I stared at him.

What the hell did that even mean?

He saw my concern and brought forth a grin, wild and youthful, like when we were at the movies. "You... remember those songs Master hummed to us when we were sick? When we were kids?" he questioned wistfully, needing this for some reason, needing it more than me.

Of course I did. I nodded the best I could. Damn my head hurt.

He drew me closer to his chest and I felt all my fear melt away. I knew I was with him and he was with me. Brothers, standing by each other no matter what, never leaving each other behind... Loving each other more than we loved ourselves.

His humming came to my ears like a sweet release, like the world was sweet and whole again even in this damp, barren hole. I could hear his heart racing in his chest, thundering like a wild herd against my ear.

I wondered what was going on to cause such mounting fear in my brother... Was it really only worry for me?

He began to sob as he lowered his head, "Usagi oishi kano yama, kobuna tsurishi kano kawa." I looked at him, recognizing the lyrics. "Yume wa ima no egurite, wasure gata ki furusato..."

I snorted some and closed my eyes. He was such a terrible singer... "Furusato...?"

There was a few moments where I awaited his response but it didn't come. I was too tired to be irritated with his unresponsiveness, and so I looked at him sternly, only to see his cold, warlike eyes set behind me. My stomach sank in a cold pool...

Finally hearing the approaching footsteps, I looked the best I could into the direction as Leo gently laid me on the drier pavement. I could see the determined Elite Guard, suddenly without his left hand, coming forward, furiously glaring at my brother.

Slowly, Leo stood, not saying a word to me or the Elite. His left knee buckled as soon as he stood and I could see the pulsating, liquid-like tissue over top of his bare ankle. The farther up his body I looked, the more I realized how disfigured my brother was...

"You ... his hand?" I managed weakly.

"Yeah," Leo whispered. A pained look came to his face. "I hope... I hope that Raph and Don come fast..."

I did, too.

The Elite dragged himself closer.

"These guys are tougher than the usual Foot soldier," Leo growled to himself, his teeth gritting at his miscalculation. He must have thought that a dismembered hand would have been enough to stop him. "They truly have mastered Mind Over Body."

At the same time we groaned, "Shit."

"Don... Raph," I tried to reason with Leo as the Elite straightened, his good hand held his blood drenched axe.

The farce was over, the Elite charged and a glisten in Leo's eyes caught my attention − they were filled with something I had never seen before. I suddenly felt a fear overwhelm me like I had never felt before and I realized... this was it.

"Not this time, Mike," he said before looking back at me. "I love you, Michelangelo."

My brother used a cross block and held for about half a second before the tearing of his tendon caused him to scream and he came soaring backward onto his shell. I had to take in what he just said. No, he couldn't mean what I thought. That look in his eyes couldn't have been what I thought it was.

The Elite held up his axe, but Leo swung his good leg around to kick it out of the way. It didn't stop the onslaught for long, though, as the Elite merely pulled my brother's neck into a choke hold with his handless arm, tucking him into his pit as his remaining hand attempted to grab hold of Leo's cheek to quickly snap his neck.

We had to get out of this together, right? It's what we always do.

Leo bit into his arm, blood seeping through his teeth as the Elite uttered a rare noise, releasing my brother. He couldn't move, though, not far. The Elite grabbed his bad ankle and slung him into the watery passage of the tunnel.

My brother was more than a brother to me – he was everything I'd always needed, a leader, a hero, a mother, a friend, a brother – my **brother**.

I heard Leo release an ungodly noise from his throat and felt myself grow light headed as the Elite found his axe and neared him. My brother couldn't get up. I knew that the same glisten was in his eyes as I saw earlier. I could only cringe as the axe came down upon his shell in the most shattering, unforgetful noise I had ever heard.

We were always there for each other. Honor codes. Never leave another behind.

"OH, GOD!" Leo cried.

I felt my lids close as the scurry of familiar feet through the water echoed toward us. I heard my brothers screaming, and I willed myself to open my lead laden lids again to no avail. I did not need to look to see what was happening.

I'd seen the look of defeat in my brother's eyes; it remained as my only conscious vision, and his lullaby my only conscious sounds...

"Usagi oi kano yama  
Kobuna tsurishi kano kawa  
Yume wa ima mo megurite  
Wasure gata ki furusato

The mountains where I once ran after hares,  
The streams where I often fished for small fish.  
I still dream of there now and then,  
My heart's home, it is unforgettable."

* * *

Master Splinter hung up the phone and looked at me. I felt like a child, sitting on the tatami mats before him, teary-eyed and feverishly taking in his herbal tea as if some of its magic would help me feel better about the situation.

"Your transportation has been arranged," he smiled softly as he spoke. I didn't think it was that great.

I felt like I was being urged by two forces to go on this voyage, one being my father and the other being my longing to see Leo again, to feel his presence as I had when I was cradled against his plastron so lovingly.

But my guilt was telling me to stay home...

"Okay," was all I could say to the news. I looked up from my tea as I saw him near me. "What?"

"Are you not to tell your brothers?" he asked with a raise of his brow.

Now wasn't that a thought?

"No," I said. "Don wouldn't let me go..."

"He shall if I have said you may," Father stated confidently, giving me that look of 'I'm the true authority, remember?' "I do believe, Michelangelo, that you should at least inform your brothers of your trip."

We both looked to his screen door as their arguing voices were raised yet again.

It was not often that Don yelled, but when he did it was** scary **like you don't even know. Pissed Don is Scary Don.

"Okay," I sighed, as if one had a choice against Sensei...

We made our way out and it didn't take long to find my two brothers. They had made it from Raph's room to the entrance of the gym, an astounding twenty feet.

"He's your **brother**, Raph! What the hell is the matter with you?" Don snarled. "He thinks you hate him!"

"Leo was my brother, too, Don!" Raphael snapped crossly, his eyes narrowed at our normally complacent ninja. "Why do you always forget him?"

"Ahem!" Master Splinter cleared his throat as we neared close enough. The two straightened and looked at our father in awe and embarrassment, particularly at my juxtaposition to him. "Your brother has an announcement to make."

The blood warmly rushed to my cheeks and I could feel my hot tears forming again, I didn't want to admit what I planned to do. My jaw line trembled, making my lips feel like a blubbery mess without control, but I had to say something − anything would be better than this silence with six eyes staring at me.

"I-I'm going to go to Northampton," I stuttered, causing a collective gasp between Raph and Don. "To-to see Leo... a-and ask his spirit to come back to us..."

Don's face was horrified. "Mike... you're in no condition−"

"He is in condition, Donatello," Master corrected my brother.

There was yet another awkward silence and Don rubbed his face. He was struggling to not cry in front of me, the world he was fighting for was disintegrating before him, and he had not a clue what to do to help it.

Raphael stared at me with disgust at my announcement.

Master Splinter narrowed his eyes at Raph after I had stepped back from his gaze. "You have an objection, Raphael?"

"No," Raph muttered before turning on his heels to exit through the gym, his sanctuary, as usual.

...

A/N: Okay, now, for SURE there is one chapter left DX And the words and song is a Japanese Lullaby named "Furusato" or "My Heart's Home."

Feedback Appreciated


	11. Catharsis

Alright, even though I did not expect to be writing an eleventh chapter, I'm glad I've had the opportunity to do s. I think this has allowed the ending to flow quite a bit better than I had originally planned for it to and sort of gives more space to elaborate on some loose ends. I'm not so sure this can exactly be called a satisfactory ending as much as it can be called a conclusion and I hope you all will bear with me all the same.

The book that I read to get this idea is Sharon Creech's 'Walk Two Moons.'

I cannot thank you all enough for the wonderful support I have received throughout this story. I mean it! I thank you each so much for making the story much more worthwhile. And such a special thanks again to Effar teh Great and the Willowfly.

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios  
story © Turtlefreak121

**Paradigm**  
Chapter Eleven: Catharsis

I watched as Don folded each article of clothing like delicate silk. It was funny to watch because our family had few clothes as it was, being mutant turtles and what not, so the few sweats that Don had packaged for me were all that we owned.

Honestly, I didn't even want to be using them. I was so tired of being restrained as it was. I thought that at least I could be thankful I wasn't wearing any yet when Don threw some beside me on the bed.

I groaned.

"Donny, do I have to?" I whined.

"You better believe you have to," he scolded me as he shook the firmly packed bag, all the useless junk stored within it sinking to the bottom. "Do you know how cold it is outside? I'm not going to let you recover from your injuries only to catch pneumonia."

The thought was a stretch but loving all the same. It made me resent his care all the more.

His obsession with my health was exactly what reminded me of why I hadn't asked him to come along yet. As much as I love my brother, I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take! He was borderline neurotic!

"Now, I want you to call me whenever you get a chance," Mother Don began as he dropped my bag and sat on the bedside with me. "And don't forget to check your stitches. The last ones should be coming out soon."

"That's disgusting," I retorted sourly.

"You need to look out for it all the same, goofball," he replied with a sigh. That tired, worn expression came to his face again and he looked to his lap where his thumbs twiddled. He was so worked up over this – it was driving me** insane!**

Still, it was this same brother's nursing and caring that had saved me. It wasn't exactly something I could ever forget or repay him for, even if it came with this horrendous excuse for his annoying habits.

I leaned against him and buried my beak against his chest.

"I won't be gone forever," I reminded him. "Then you can yell at me about stitches and sweats and blankets all you want."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "Just a few days. We've been apart for longer."

"And we always come back," I continued as I looked up at him.

It was at that point I realized Don was crying. I felt like such a jerk. How had I not noticed that earlier?

"Not always, Mikey," he said quietly.

I leaned against him and hugged his side, wanting so bad to take away all this hurt. But his muscles were so stiff, so unfeeling that I don't even know if he knew I was hugging him or not. It was almost as if he was in a completely different world.

"I didn't completely tell the truth," he suddenly said.

I looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"When you asked me about that night… about whether or not Leo had said anything to me," he said quietly. "He did say a few things and I didn't want to," he bit his lip, "I didn't want to share them. And then I got mad at Raph for doing the exact same thing. I'm sorry, Mike."

Lowering my head, I knew it wasn't my place to know everything that happened. It was selfish of me to want to take in everything of that night when parts of it weren't mine to want. Some of those parts belonged to my brothers and them alone.

"No, Don, don't worry about it," I responded at last. "I don't need to know."

He looked at me and snorted at my reply. He wasn't buying that in the least. "Saint Michael, are we?" he said with a smirk. "Forgive me if I don't bow in praise."

I crinkled my beak and pushed off of him a bit. "Fine, be that way, asshole," I spat.

"Cool it, Mikey," he laughed before rubbing my shoulder. "In all seriousness, though, you do need to know because, well, because I think that it is why everyone's treating you the way we are. You should know, and you **do** want to know."

Indeed, I did.

"Okay, spill," I muttered.

He gently curved his arm over around my shoulders, reminding me what six months of no training and little consciousness can really do to a guy's physique, before pulling me close against him. I faintly recalled a similar approach our father would use when we were children he was preparing for a bedtime story.

"When Raph and I got to you guys, I went to Leo first," Don said slowly. "He was the first one we could see and he was awake so we knew he was alive. So I went to see what I could do to help him."

I could only imagine the scene as Raph and Don had found it – the blood splattered, unholy mess. I swallowed at the very thought of being in Don or Raph's place. I shudder as I picture the scene, coming across my brothers barely clinging to life.

"He told me to not worry about it," he said, pulling me from my inner concentration.

I looked at him. "What?"

"Leo told me to take care of you," Don explained before lowering his head. "No matter what happened, I was going to take care of you, make sure you got better. You were the only thing, next to Raph handling the Elite, that Leo was worried about."

My vision blurred and I had to move fast to wipe away the tears.

I felt Don's hand rest on my knee and I brought myself to look at him. He smiled gently before grabbing my bag off the floor for me. "We better get ready soon. I packed you a few things you might want to give to Leo when you see him. And **call** me, Michelangelo. I'm dead serious!"

He turned away to rummage through more precautionary supplies. It wasn't long before he was growling at me to put on the sweats he handed me, but I wasn't paying any attention.

From behind his shell, I pulled him into the tightest hug I could manage.

He paused for a moment before pulling me into his own, nestling my head under his chin. "I love you, too, Mikey."

* * *

I don't really remember the conversation which got me here, but I do graciously accept this hot green tea with April.

The cedar smell of the farmhouse isn't so much relaxing as it is exotic to my city oriented senses. New York has me constantly alert, constantly accepting new smells and noises. I always have the sense that I never know exactly everything that's going on.

In many ways the farm is completely different.

I faintly recognize with each time that my brothers and I return here how absolutely new everything was. The farm was a world that none of us recognized and yet it brought home so many instincts we had never used before. We wanted to feel home and at the same time we knew we never could.

The dangers and general pace of the city had changed us almost to a point of being unrecognizable as turtles anymore, that is, to a less noticeable degree than the mutagen did.

It's fun to come to Hickville, USA, as Raph liked to call it, from time to time. Every now and again it seemed as though the farm was a healing spot for the wounds our lives had broken us with. It was something Leo had always been adamant about us doing regularly.

Oh, Leo…

It **was** fun to come to the farm once upon a time…

Now it's just tragic.

Judging by the silence, I'm guessing my little charade outside with Leo really left an impression. No one's really saying anything to me. I have two pairs of eyes on me at all times and it's making me feel a little jumpy.

Like… should I be doing something to entertain them since all this attention is on me? I don't think I'm really doing anything all that interesting right now besides sipping on this green tea, which, if I haven't mentioned already, is fabulous. It almost reminds me of Master Splinter's, though it does lack that hint of expertise and tradition that I don't think will ever be replicated.

I finish my little cup, lay it on the counter, and have to shiver. Without the cup warming me, I'm a little surprised to find that it's incredibly cold. I look up and still find that April and Casey are examining me.

If they don't stop, I'll start calling them Don, Jr. One and Two.

Still, they're only trying to help me, and I do realize that, even if it's bitterly annoying. Not to mention April just gave me some awesome tea after my freak out outside which, shockingly enough, did not make me feel any better whatsoever.

"Thanks, April," I say rather stiffly, still not in complete use of my voice. I guess this really is the first time I've spoke up since I was outside with Leo.

"No problem, Mike," April says very soothingly, like a sweet lullaby or something.

The concept makes me shudder.

"You okay now, Mikey?" Casey speaks up as he steps over toward the kitchen counter where we're standing.

I should laugh at the concern Casey has for me right now because it is rather cute. He's extremely shaken and clueless, but wants to be doing something to make things better. Thing is, no one knows what to do to make me feel any better.

I wish I knew what to do, too. I hate feeling like shit.

"Yeah, I'm feeling better," I reply. "I just should probably get my bags first and—"

"Already did that for ya," Casey says with a smirk. "Put them in the guest bedroom and everything."

Nodding in thanks, I go over the concept itself. In all the years that I've come to the farm, I haven't once stayed in the guest bedroom. That was an honor usually reserved for Sensei. Even if he didn't come, we all four usually bunked together in the attic, our four-person suite.

Thinking of staying in a room on my own reminds me of how scary being on my own really is. The concept is foreign to the point that it leaves a dry, bitter taste in my mouth.

Think think think. I'm like Winnie the Pooh. I'm so distracted by my own thoughts that I'm just now realizing that April's talking on her phone. I don't think I even heard it ring!

Has it really been that long since I homed in on my ninja skills?

She pauses and looks at me.

"Do you want to talk to your brother?" she asks softly.

I release an irritated sigh. Dammit, Don. Could this not wait a few more minutes? I'm still trying to gather my thoughts for crying out loud!

Reluctantly, I offer my hand. "Yeah, sure," I mutter as she places the cell in my palm. I can only guess how long this is going to take since I didn't call him on the way like I promised I would. Oh, well. "Hello, Donatello."

There's a pause and what sounds like an awkward shift before a rough, indecisive huff.

Don doesn't huff.

"I ain't Don," Raph's voice timidly comes over the phone.

I nearly fall out of my chair.

"**Raph?**" I ask, unsure of what this could possibly be over. Did I leave something in the gym to piss him off or something? I mean, I don't know why he would ever even think of calling! It's so… unexpected. "I mean… something wrong?"

"God, I hope not," he mutters. I hear something muffled behind him and then a door shut. "Don's going nuts for the phone. Y'know you should have called him, right? Just once so he wouldn't get all jittery on me."

I laugh a good, honest to God, true laugh. It is just like Raph. It is Raph.

"I know, my bad," I respond as I make my way into the living room and settle on the couch, barely noticing that April and Casey have taken off to give me some privacy. "He's not too worried, is he?"

"Yeah, you bet your bad," Raph retorts harshly, but not the sort of harshness that I've been getting in the past months. This is brotherly, jokingly. I still feel warmed just by the fact that he's talking to me like he used to. "He's gone bananas."

It's an image I can picture perfectly; so perfect it brings back that old, worn out smile to my face. "Yeah, sounds like Don," is what makes its way out.

"How long you been there?" Raph questions somewhat stiffly.

"I don't know," I say honestly. "I… I think it's been a while."

Raph exhales a few curses before holding the phone up closer and settling in whatever room he's in. "Well, sounds like I called a little late," he sighs. "You already seen Leo and everything?"

I feel a tinge of guilt in my side for my earlier failure. I can't believe how cowardly I am for just leaving without having anything said to him. What kind of brother am I?

"Not really," I answer. "Just for a few minutes. I didn't really do anything, y'know. I just—"

"Nah, don't worry about it," Raph says rather plainly. "You know Leo. He's not exactly going to be caught off guard with any shenanigans you had ready anyway. Besides, that means I didn't call you too late to say I'm sorry."

I pause.

"Sorry?" I repeat. "Sorry about what?"

"Oh, knock it off, Saint Michael," Raphael snorts. "You and I both know that I've been a real sore son of a bitch lately and you didn't need it or deserve it. Don was right back then, you're my brother and I shouldn't expect you to assume that I love you."

That warm feeling comes to my chest and I almost release a cry at the expression. I don't want him to take to heart how much that means to me just yet, though. Gotta tough this out.

"I know you do," I say truthfully.

"Yeah, well, I haven't acted like too much of a brother lately and… and you don't even know why," he growls at himself. "I should have told you what happened a long time ago. I know you've been wanting to ask and I just… I kept ignoring it. But you need to know what—" he moved the phone and there was a few moments of silence before it moved back, "—what Leo said before he left."

I don't really know what to say.

I mean, this is personal business, between Raph and Leo. Believe me, I wanted to know every detail until my brain burst with all the information. How else was I ever going to get past this funk of **not** knowing what's up with everyone in my family.

Yet… it's something that doesn't belong to me. While the intangible seems all the more enticing just for that reason, I can't help but feel wrong for grasping onto the offer.

What Leo left behind for my brothers is a part of him that they hold on to, a piece of their paradigm for him.

I still have to come to terms with my own piece and yet here I am, taking Raph's after already taking Don's.

Still, I draw my breath steadily. I have to at least give Raph a response. "You were just being yourself, Raph," I kidded as I sat up, stiffening my back. "To be honest, I don't ever really expect different from you. But you don't have to… You don't have to tell me what happened," I attempt to refuse kindly. "That stuff is all between you and Leo."

There is an uneasy silence and I suddenly doubted whether or not I had phrased that right.

If I lost this reconnection with Raph I'll never forgive myself!

He finally speaks. "Mike, you don't understand. I **need** to tell you."

My epiphany comes full circle and I realize that maybe I'm not the only one that needs to go back, to think about everything that happened. I had to think through my thoughts on my own, get away from the Lair, figure out how I felt about it all on my own.

Raph was always the brooding type so I just assumed that he would want to reflect on this by himself. This one time, though, maybe he couldn't think through his funk.

And I have to admit, I need to know, too.

I bite my lip timidly and lean forward, preparing myself for whatever is to come. "Okay," I reply. "What did he say?"

He releases a breath, relieved. "Well, I don't know what all Don's told you, but we found that Elite over by you and Leo," he begins and I settle into my spot, balancing on the edge of the couch. "I went blind, just at the sight of it, and was at that bastard before I could think straight.

"I rammed my Sai through him, over and over, waiting for him to fight back, show me that strength he had to have to take out you and Leo, but I must have surprised him at the right time. He didn't fight back. Maybe he was weak from his own wounds, I don't know. I don't care. I just watched him drop into the filth of the sewer where he belonged.

"And then I turned to you guys."

I feel, just for a moment, that perhaps my heart is too big for chest. It's like it's going to leap out. I'm so confused! I want to hear this and I don't all at the same time!

"Don had already talked to Leo, I don't know what was said," Raph admits before sighing. "But Don went to go help you. I went to Leo.

"His back was broken, Mike." He paused and choked back on a noise that had been building in his throat. "Any… Anyway, it was a miracle that he was still alive, but it was him just hanging by a thread. Worst thing was Leo knew it, and nothing I could say would make a difference.

"I didn't know what to do, Don left to take you to the Lair and I was just **there,** with Leo. So I asked him what to do."

My hands feel clammy, I don't know what to do myself. My gut feels like it's all tied in a knot and I just can't help but feel sick, so very sick. It's like the trip to the farmhouse all over again. I just want all of this to be over but I don't want to go forward all the same.

So I ask, "What did he say?"

"He said… he said he liked the farm," Raph says lowly. "He also said that I should go and help Don with you, that the Elite had got you in the head but you'd make it if we worked fast enough… that he wished the same could go for him."

I let out a cry. I don't mean to! It just comes. I immediately bite the back of my hand to stifle anything further that might come and I just end up choking on pockets of air in my throat.

Hot tears are making their way back into the corners of my eyes and I have to shake my head fast to keep them at bay.

Raph waits on the other end of the line. He's quiet; patient.

As I calm myself, he continues.

"I told him that he couldn't leave us like that," Raph says. "I said to him that if he left there would be too much that we would miss, too much pain we would feel; that we wouldn't be able to function without him. And I held real tight to him, like if I did it tight enough he would stay.

"But he didn't seem worried. He said we wouldn't even have to look for him, he said something from an old nursery rhyme or maybe song from when we were kids… I don't even know if you'd remember it."

I pause.

"Furusato?" I whisper into the phone.

Raph's surprised into silence before saying, "Yeah… Yeah, that's it. Except Leo said a line from it. He said 'wasure gata ki furusato.'" Raph released a small laugh. "You… You know how Leo's all about Japan."

I feel a smile crack onto my face just as a tear makes it past my defenses. I know just a little bit better. "He likes it, yeah," I do my best not to correct. "Did he say anything else?"

I feel numb when he doesn't respond immediately. Why can't I think before I do something just for **once?**

"No, Mike," Raph says slowly. "I kept holding tighter to him but it didn't work… He slipped away anyway."

* * *

The next thing I did was talk to Don who, of course, scolded me for about fifteen minutes and went through all the things I was supposed to check which, of course, I ignored. My stitches could fall out in their own, dear sweet time for all I am concerned.

But it's still nice to hear him.

He doesn't know what all Raph and I had talked about. It doesn't help that when he asked me I lied, but I think he's caught on to the fact that I am a little more appreciative.

I'm not going to talk to him as long as he would have liked, though. I have something else I had to do.

I know for sure what I have to do even while I am bickering on the phone with Don, walk into the guest bedroom, and see that April had unpacked and stored my things already, leaving the item Don had packed for Leo on my nightstand.

The image of it makes me smile and I pick it up, Don biting my ear off, figuratively speaking of course, and me ignoring him as I look at the picture.

"I gotta go, Don," I say back, stunning him into silence as he realized I hadn't paid attention to even the first sentence.

"What?" he asks, a little bit peeved.

"I gotta go!" I bite back irritably before rolling my eyes. "Love you, bye!" I hung up.

Once I get this order of business out of the way, I'm going to call him back.

I sprint out of the farmhouse, if I see Casey or April they'll distract me and that won't be good at all. I have to do this in true Michelangelo fashion: spur of the moment. I don't stop until I get to the barn and as if there's glue stuck to the bottom of my feet, I stick and can't get away.

So I'm standing near the barn again, the picture tightly in my hands, and Leo staring at me just like before. There's no wind and no real warmth other than the thin bit of sunlight still peering through the clouded autumn sky.

I get on my knees, finding the frigid grass rather unforgiving, and stare at the mask delicately laid across my brother's grave marker.

It's the only thing that truly signifies that the rock is supposedly in place for him.

There're a few wilted flowers from the earlier spring funeral but the grave itself is still restless and untouched, definitely needing someone to take care of it in the ways that Leo had always so preciously taken care of the three of us.

"Hey, Bro," I speak up. I almost wait for a reply I know will never come; I break from the silence, though. "I know you're still here because you always told us you would be."

The mask stares at me to continue. It's been so long since it has seen me; I don't think it was even sure how I survived though Leo had always known I would.

I smirk at the questions the eyeless mask are asking me. I guess these count as replies after all.

"Don covered up my head, made me wear this stupid hat," I explain as I take off the winter cap to reveal my recovered, stitched head. I smirk. "I call it my Frankenstein Dome," I continue before knocking on it, that hollow clanking of the cap making me laugh. "Don says I look like I recovered from a scalping. I guess I kinda did. It was a close one, though, wasn't it?"

He doesn't answer. He's just patiently allowing me to continue my rant.

I get out the picture and smile at it. It's the family portrait Leo always kept on his desk, all four of us. I'm squeezing his neck while giving Raph bunny ears, Raph's leaning on Don while Leo's crossing his arms and smirking at our utter shenanigans. He's standing strong, holding the picture up almost with his arms like he always held up the four of us.

Like he always will.

"I guess you're wondering what took so long," I laugh. "I was dozing off most of the time between… then and now. A while longer I wouldn't have been able to come if I wanted because Don's babying me," I look at his mask, his eyes, and can still see him there. "But the rest of the time I was scared because I didn't know what it would be like now, with you here away from us, if I would be able to coax your spirit back to our family like Master Splinter had wanted me to."

I sigh.

"Now that all just seems so silly, because of that paradigm stuff you kept trying to push into my head," I mutter. "That an image is never static, that people and the way we view them are always changing – that we can't predict how we'll come to see someone for what they've done for us.

"But those little glass images you always mentioned aren't just reflecting who's inside of them, are they? It's what makes them, too – the people in our lives always leave bits of themselves in other's paradigms. They're always there if you piece together all the traits they've left behind, like a puzzle." I smile. "Sorta like how you never really left us and we never left you."

I smile.

"Thanks, Leo. You never heard it when you were with us physically, but I know you'll hear it now and you'll know it's true." I take a minute to stroke the picture. "I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you and I don't just mean that night but every night. I have not a clue how you did everything you did, always making sure we'll be okay, always being one step ahead of the Foot."

I pause and take the chance to breathe again.

"It's something I thought that the three of us wouldn't be able to do without you," I admit. "I came here to ask you to come back and help us, support us like you always did. But Raph and Don just helped me realize that you never really left me or any of us."

Rubbing my neck, I release yet another sigh. "Master Splinter never meant for me to literally come here and drag you back because your living spirit has always remained with us, we just didn't know how to utilize all the gifts of yourself that you left behind."

I close my eyes and recount everything. "Don took care of me not because he was annoying me but because you had left in him a nurturing spirit and the daunting task of being responsible for me. Raph ignored me not because he was angry with me, not directly anyway, but because he knew I could not carry his pain along with mine at the time, he protected me and even Don by not going to us."

And me?

"You taught me something I can never forget, Leo," I admit. "You taught me to never look at my brothers, my family, in the same way and expect them not to change, to not give them room for progress. You taught me to give them all they need to grow into their rolls just as you always let me grow into mine."

I sigh and feel as though a load has been released. I had to get away from the Lair and my brothers to realize what our father had wanted to me to see all along.

Turning over the photo, I see my brother's scribbled words, probably from a late night where he simply could not write another word of his strategy nonsense in his journals.

_Wasure gata ki furusato  
My heart's home, it is unforgettable_

I lay the picture against the marker, pulling over a smaller rock to keep it up. It's where it belongs.

After all the time it took to get here, to relieve this strain from my family, I feel happy, content even. I hope April and Casey can manage to leave soon, get us back to the city. It might seem so soon to want to go home after just arriving, but I've gotten what I came for. It wasn't that hard when I realized it was there all along. That Leo was there all along.

My brothers needed me and I needed them. We each held a paradigm that together was whole and was only whole when we were together. Just like our family.

I need to be home with them, let the pieces fall back in place, and let us all be complete again.

That's my paradigm of my brother Leo. He is the part of our family that keeps us whole and he will never leave us behind.

…


End file.
